Sunday, July 18, 2010
KATHY MITCHELL
and MARCY SUGAR
Dear Annie: I work in a relatively small office in California. One of my female co-workers moved out here “to live by the beach and hang with the movie stars.” A year later, her husband left, and her daughter has little to do with her. My co-worker finally gave up her pipe dreams and wants to return to her hometown.
The problem is, once reality set in, this individual has been sick with some sort of ailment every other day. She rarely finishes a week of work, and she faked a stroke several months ago and then unsuccessfully tried to sue the company. She is a complete drama queen, and worse, when she doesn’t come in, we have to do her work.
All of us are fed up with her self-indulgent behavior. Last summer, I had to reschedule my vacation twice because she had some desperate issue or was so lonely she needed to spend some time with her out-of-state friends. How am I supposed to deal with this?
SoCal and So Long
Dear SoCal: Your co-worker is having trouble accepting that her fantasy is not real, and she avoids dealing with her situation by becoming ill and otherwise preoccupying herself. She also is most likely depressed. Does your office have a supervisor or human resources department? Someone in charge should approach this woman and inform her that her on-the-job performance is inadequate and she needs professional help. If the people in charge are unaware of the situation, you and your co-workers can let them know.
Dear Annie: My older sister is on her second marriage, and it is an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage at that. No one can figure out why she stays with this deadbeat.
I have been married three times and now have met and am engaged to a wonderful man. My problem is, whenever my sister has the slightest opportunity to bring up my three prior marriages in front of other people, she seizes the moment with vigor. So far, I’ve been a good sport about it, laughing at the jokes, but it’s truly getting old. I’d like to tell her to quit harping on my marriage record and concentrate on her own. At least I had enough sense to end something that wasn’t working.
Please advise a nice but direct way of letting her know that this is really beginning to annoy me.
No Longer Kissing Frogs
Dear Kissing: People who belittle others are often trying to cover their own insecurities. We suspect your sister harps on your multiple marriages in order to deflect attention away from the inadequacies of the one she has to live with every day. The next time she does this, take your sister aside privately. Tell her that the constant put-downs are irritating and hurtful and, worse, make it seem as if she has something to hide in her own marriage. Tell her you are worried about her. Ask, with great sympathy, whether she needs the name of a good marriage counselor. That should settle her hash.
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