Sunday, August 22, 2010
By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My sister and I are the only relatives with whom my father communicates. He is divorced from my mother, his parents are deceased, and he is estranged from his extended family. Dad is a retired physician, and even his business partner, with whom he worked for 30 years, no longer speaks to him.
We have encouraged Dad to move closer to us, but he will not. He is in his mid-70s and refuses to hire anyone to cook or clean for him, although he can afford it. As a result, he has lost a great deal of weight and does not bathe regularly. He recently told me he won’t be attending my wedding next year because it’s too far away, even though he regularly flies the same distance for other reasons.
Although my father lost a great deal of money in the economic downturn, he continues to play the stock market. I fear this is an addiction. I think he is severely depressed and may be experiencing a type of mental illness. Dad refuses to see a doctor and writes prescriptions for himself instead. I am very uneasy about his physical and mental health. Any suggestions?
Concerned Daughter
Dear Concerned: Is Dad’s behavior recent, or has he always been so difficult? Any changes, such as cutting off family and friends or giving up showers, could indicate mental illness, dementia or physical decline. Dad may write his own prescriptions because he fears something is wrong and doesn’t want anyone to know. Have you seen him lately? If not, we recommend a visit to check on his physical condition, as well as his home environment, and to decide whether you need to contact his local Adult Protective Services and have him evaluated.
Dear Annie: I am a seven-year breast cancer survivor who does not wear a pink ribbon. I am grateful for the treatment I received, but I don’t want to talk about it.
Because I used to be fairly prominent in my small community, I could not hide the fact that I was going through chemotherapy. But I don’t like to be reminded of it, and people refuse to let me forget. I appreciate the concern but consider this a private matter. Is that wrong?
California
Dear California: Of course not. These intrusive people mean well and probably consider you an inspiration to others. But by seeing only your illness, they diminish who you are. It’s perfectly OK to tell them this and hope it will sink in.
Dear Annie: I’m writing in response to “Hungry in Grand Island,” who wants to keep a lunch thief from stealing her food from the office refrigerator.
When my cans of soda repeatedly came up missing, I put them in a plastic bag in the refrigerator with a note inside saying, “I licked the top of several of these cans. Guess which ones!” With my leftovers, I took a plastic spoon and blotted my lipstick on it. Then I left that spoon inside my plastic container along with my lunch. My leftovers were never taken again.
A.
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