Oh, darn! My kids have started to curse

January 26, 2009 at 12:00a.m.

By ANGIE WAGNER

LAS VEGAS — The other day my 3-year-old couldn’t get a lid off a marker, so she made her frustration known in the form of a curse word.

After the initial shock, I told her that word was inappropriate and never to use it again. But she has.

My 5-year-old was rhyming words in her car seat one day and came to a curse word that rhymes with bit.

She immediately knew it was wrong, and smiled because of it. I just hope it doesn’t come out at her Christian kindergarten. She might be expelled.

She also brought home a nice, truncated phrase from school — ”What the...?” I outlawed it, but she didn’t understand why since there was no bad word in it. It was intent, I explained.

I admit to letting a swear word fly when I stub my toe or lose a file on my computer. But, gee, I thought I was saying them under my breath.

And I certainly didn’t think I said them that often.

My husband is a different story. He drops a certain curse word a lot. He says he doesn’t, but I think he doesn’t know that he does.

Now apparently my 3-year-old could be making her swear words of choice part of her vocabulary. I am embarrassed. What if she pops it out in public?

I struggle with what is the best way to handle these little potty mouths. Do I ignore it? Do I make a big deal out of it, and then they know how bad the words are and they will say them more?

Psychologist Sal Severe, author of ”How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!,” said first parents have to make sure they are not using the curse words. Eliminate the exposure.

That’s hard for many parents, especially when a football game is on in some houses.

But children learn that when people are frustrated, they cuss.

Severe said to let the child know the word is not appropriate and to give a warning or two not to use it. If it is used again, he suggested a time-out or another mild consequence to let the child know you are disappointed in them.

”You don’t want to overreact. Most kids learn that these cuss words have power,” he said.

Young children also realize that using curse words get a quick reaction from a parent.

What parents want to teach their children is that they can be frustrated, but to use another word to show it.

Parents can tell older children that they are going to hear cuss words — at school, in the grocery store, at the park — but it doesn’t mean it is OK for them to use the words.

Karla Renfrow, a mother of two in Flower Mound, Texas, said her 3-year-old daughter uses several different cuss words, but admits that it comes from her and her husband.

Renfrow said she has ignored the behavior a few times, but mostly tries to explain that those words aren’t nice and shouldn’t be used.

In our house, I’m trying to give my 5-year-old substitute words to use when she is frustrated. She prefers “fiddlesticks,” and the ”What the...?”phrase has disappeared for now. The 3-year-old seems to have forgotten about the naughty words and hasn’t popped out any in at least a week.

I just hope no one cuts me off in traffic.