Saturday, January 24, 2009
Dear Annie: I have been married for nine years and am starting to think my wife is having an affair. “Eve” works nights, and one night a week she comes home late. I have called her office on those nights and no one answers.
Eve always has an excuse why she isn’t there. Or she turns it around and asks why I am checking up on her. I have told her I am concerned because it’s pretty late at night. I also found some new feminine products under the bathroom sink. When I asked what they were, she said they were just new soaps (I know better) and the next time I looked, they weren’t there.
I told Eve I didn’t trust her and want her to take a lie detector test. She accused me of being paranoid, but she finally agreed, saying she has nothing to hide. But she’s also become really affectionate all of a sudden and is trying to convince me there’s no reason to take a test. I still want it, but I don’t know where to get it. Can you help? Worried Guy
Dear Worried: A lie detector test won’t help you because even if Eve passes, you still won’t believe her. Such tests are not foolproof. We agree that her behavior seems evasive, which is suspicious. Ask her to come with you for counseling so each of you can articulate your concerns and see if you can find a way to make this better.
Dear Annie: I am a 14-year-old girl who finds herself in need of your advice. This past year, I have taken up many new activities — playing guitar, writing poetry and drawing. In the process, I have acquired an avid admirer who copies everything I do. At first, I was flattered by the attention and, to a point, enjoyed it. However, as I become more adept at these activities, I am able to do more intricate things, which, in turn, causes my “admirer” to attempt the same things and, unfortunately, she fails miserably.
How do I tell her that I don’t wish to be her mentor and that she is embarrassing herself with terrible artwork and poetry, and her new band can’t play? Not a Mentor
Dear Not: You don’t have to tell her anything. It’s wonderful that you have talent in these areas, but even if she isn’t a great artist, musician or poet, she can still find enjoyment in the process. It’s OK if she doesn’t do well. The best thing you can do is encourage her to explore different options and try new things.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Dad,” whose son attempted suicide and they had no clue. I, too, had no clue about our son, who died by suicide at the age of 18. That was eight years ago.
Our son was an honor student, working toward his college degree in mechanical engineering. He had a good job at a marketing business and was such a caring person, always reaching out to friends in need.
After our son’s passing, we discovered that his girlfriend knew about a prior suicide attempt, but took upon herself to “take care of it.” She didn’t think it was important enough to alert us because she didn’t believe he was serious. Later, we found out that our son and his girlfriend had argued. I don’t want to blame her, but if we had known there were signs of depression or despair, we might have been able to get help for him.
Through counseling and the support of our friends and family, we managed to get through our loss. So, parents, as “Dad” wrote, there can never be too much communication with your children. Concerned Mom
Dear Mom: Your letter is a heartbreaking reminder of how precious our children are, and how, no matter how much we try, we cannot protect them from everything.
• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate