Saturday, January 17, 2009
Dear Annie: I manage a very small office. Last year, I became involved with my employer and got pregnant. Fortunately, we grew to love each other and our child, and we are now married. Despite our rocky start, we are quite happy.
The problem is his family. They constantly make comments about our relationship and suggest to him that I became pregnant on purpose to trap him. I am at the end of my rope because of these hurtful remarks. How do I convince my husband that it is his responsibility to defend me? He says to do so would give his family the impression that he has blind faith in me — as if that is a bad thing. Please help. I’m considering divorce over this. Office Sweetheart
Dear Sweetheart: Apparently, your husband thinks his family could be right, which is why he doesn’t defend you. His lack of emotional support does not speak well for him and is damaging to your marriage. Ask him to go with you for counseling to clear the air and make sure your priorities are on the same page.
Dear Annie: I am very active in a community organization. In the past year, two members unexpectedly announced their resignations via e-mail. I considered them friends. Aside from the sense of betrayal and what their leaving meant to our organization, I resent that we were not given the courtesy of face-to-face communication over the issues that bothered them. One even forbade us to speak again about the issues, and I still occasionally have to see this person. Because of the unexpected nature of the resignations, we are now left to deal with the repercussions, having had no chance to prepare a transition in a key area of our work.
As a 38-year-old, I use texting and e-mail a great deal, but I would never do so for such important communication. Shouldn’t someone give those in charge the courtesy of a notification in person, and the opportunity to have a real discussion over the issues? Such a discussion could not only lead to healing, but also improvement for the organization. I know confrontation is hard for people, but it is the right thing to do. Frustrated with E-Mail
Dear Frustrated: A letter of resignation, whether via e-mail or dropped on someone’s desk, is acceptable. It is the sudden nature of the resignation that created a problem, and this is not the fault of the technology used. It is unprofessional to leave an organization shorthanded and forbid anyone to discuss your dissatisfaction. Unless there were legitimate personal reasons for such an abrupt departure, your anger should be directed at the person, not the method.
Dear Annie: You’re going to get inundated with wet noodles for your response to “M.E.” who has to feed a vegetarian. It’s not the host’s responsibility to cook separate meals for two months. That’s ridiculous. Her house is not a restaurant. She should not let herself be embarrassed into spending extra money on special food and extra time on preparation. What she needs to do is to show the young lady the supermarket, then designate certain kitchen hours when she can prepare whatever she wants to eat. Or let her go out and buy what she wants if she doesn’t feel like cooking.
The hostess is not a personal chef or a slave. And what are the son and grandkids eating, anyhow? The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Perry in Massachusetts
Dear Perry: This woman is not her guest. This is her daughter-in-law and presumably she’ll be seeing a lot of her. That means it wouldn’t hurt to incorporate vegetarian dishes into her regular repertoire. It does not, in fact, require a great deal of time or money. However, you are right (and we said so) that the daughter-in-law should go to the grocery store and use the kitchen to prepare meals and not sit around for two months being waited on hand and foot.
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