Friday, February 29, 2008
Kathy mitchell and Marcy sugar \ Annie’s Mailbox
Sensitivity to noise is no laughing matter
Dear Annie: My husband, who is very sensitive to certain noises, does not allow any of us to watch TV programs that contain laughter. If we ride in the car together, he won’t let us eat anything that creates noise he doesn’t like.
Today, he screamed at the top of his lungs at my 8-year-old son because the boy was watching his favorite TV show. The scream was horrific and angry and made us all jump. I am not sure how this type of behavior will affect my children’s development.
I like to watch TV and listen to clever jokes from comedians, but if I do, my husband will march straight to the TV and turn it off. He’s usually in another room, but still will be really upset knowing we’re watching those shows. He thinks doing this makes us “bad people” who do not think of others.
We never cuddle up on the sofa and watch a movie together. I have suggested he wear earplugs, but he won’t do it. I am beginning to think this might be a control thing. He is on long-term depression medication. Any suggestions? Need a Good Laugh
Dear Need: Your husband should see his doctor. Extreme sensitivity to multiple noises could be due to physical causes, although a particular sensitivity to laughter could indicate there’s a psychological component. Surely this condition makes your husband unhappy, so we hope he will look into ways to minimize his reaction. You also can wear headphones so the TV is not audible to him. He should not be keeping you or your children from these small enjoyments.
Dear Annie: My sister has suddenly lost her hearing (because of Meniere’s disease) and wants to learn to lip-read so she can converse with friends and family. We have been unable to find any place for her to learn. Are there any organizations that could help? Sign language isn’t helping, as no one else in our circle knows it or seems willing to learn. A Concerned Sister
Dear Sister: Your sister’s audiologist should be able to refer her, or she might be able to find classes in speech reading at her local university or a speech and language center. She can get more information through her local SHHH (Self-Help for Hard of Hearing People) chapter. Contact the Hearing Loss Association of America (hearingloss.org) at 7910 Woodmont Ave., Suite 1200, Bethesda, MD 20814.
Dear Annie: I disagree with your response to “Hurt and Confused in Pennsylvania,” who is dealing with breast cancer and her mother blabbed to others. You ridiculously gave Mom a pass, saying it was “unrealistic to expect her to keep quiet about something so important.”
If Mom needs to talk about her daughter’s health, she should have asked to join her daughter at her next doctor’s appointment to show support and get answers. Or she could see a therapist who would keep her confidence. The trust put in those who are asked to maintain a confidence trumps all.
The woman’s breast cancer is about her, not her mother, and no matter how Mom was affected by it, she should not have broken her trust, and you should have said so. “Hurt and Confused” has enough on her plate, in addition to having a mother she can no longer trust, and you said to forgive her? Please issue a retraction. Alan in Sarasota, Fla.
Dear Alan: Of course Mom should have kept quiet. But we think a woman who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer needs her mother, and it serves no purpose to remain angry or hold a grudge because Mom has a big mouth. “Hurt and Confused” should work toward forgiving her mother so the relationship can heal.
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