Saturday, February 23, 2008
Kathy mitchell and Marcy sugar \ Annie’s Mailbox
Parents become enablers for freeloading sons
Dear Annie: My brothers, ages 21 and 28, take advantage of my parents in every way possible, and I’m close to snapping.
My 21-year-old brother lives at home for free. He works full time and is completely capable of living on his own, but why should he when my parents pay for everything? He doesn’t even cook a meal or do the dishes.
My 28-year-old brother is a single father of two kids he sees every other weekend. He brings them to my parents, who love spending time with their grandchildren, but it always turns into free baby-sitting. My brother plays computer games with our younger brother all day while my parents take care of the kids.
My parents have commented to me privately that they are worn out. They never have a weekend to relax. Yet they know if they say anything to my brother, he will get pouty and not come back. When I help with the cooking and cleaning, my brothers say I am a “suck up.”
I don’t think my parents deserve this. They aren’t getting any younger and both of them have medical problems. My brothers are aware of this, yet who was shoveling the walk while my brothers played computer games? Dad.
I can’t watch them leech off my parents any longer. How can I discuss this without causing a rift and making my parents’ health even worse? Distraught
Dear Distraught: Your parents are the ones creating this situation and it’s up to them to stop enabling such freeloading behavior. Your brothers might be willing to chip in modest amounts to pay for extra help to shovel snow, etc. And when the weekend approaches, say matter-of-factly to your older brother, “I know you want to play computer games, so how about giving me $20 to hire someone to help Mom with the kids? It’s getting hard for her.” He may pout, but he won’t find a better bargain anywhere else. The rest, however, is up to your folks.
Dear Annie: My son and I deliver the morning newspaper in our neighborhood. We occasionally get tips each month from our customers. Are we required to send a thank-you note, or should we thank them in person in the evenings? (We deliver at 4 a.m., when everyone is asleep.) What about gifts we receive at holidays? Want to Do the Right Thing
Dear Want to Do: A tip is a way for the customer to say “Thank you,” and you do not need to write a note in response (although if you did so, your clients would surely appreciate it). If you are friendly with your neighborhood customers, you can, if you wish, send a card at the end of the year (or at the end of their subscription cycle), thanking them for their patronage.
Dear Annie: I read all the responses to “Craving Intimacy in Indiana,” whose husband wasn’t interested in being intimate. As a 52-year-old male married for 28 years to the same woman, all I can say is wow. What is wrong with these guys?
My situation is exactly the opposite. I still have a healthy libido and am attracted to my wife. Unfortunately, after 20 years enjoying a great sex life, things dramatically changed. What used to be looked forward to with anticipation and excitement has now become just another “task” for us to do once a month or so.
These guys don’t know how lucky they are to have wives who are still interested in a passionate and sexual relationship. I’m sure there are plenty of men like me yearning for more romance and intimacy with their wives, no matter what age. Confused in California
Dear Confused: Too bad all the husbands who want more sex aren’t married to the wives who’d love to have it. In your particular case, what happened sounds like menopause. Please ask your wife to see her doctor.
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