Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Dear Annie: “DPN” asked why men have affairs. When a man drifts, it’s all emotion and hormones. We fear getting old. When we come home to wives who are exhausted from work, raising children and doing chores, and who don’t have enough energy (understandably) to be attractive to their man, we feel unloved and become susceptible to flirtation. The other woman makes us feel young again.
Most men come to their senses and pray our wives will take us back. In my case, my wife and I made a list of what we need from each other. I keep hers at my desk: a hug once a day, doing something fun together once a week, time with the family. It’s not a lot to ask and I happily oblige. Our marriage has never been better.
To women everywhere: Love your man. Put on a negligee. Forgive. Boise, Idaho
Dear Boise: Succinct advice. We heard from hundreds of men and detected a pattern. Read on:
From Denver: I love my wife and children. The problem is sex, plain and simple. My wife is intimate twice a month and lays there like a corpse. I found relief with a woman in my office. The sex is passionate and varied. My greatest regret is that I cannot enjoy these things with my wife.
California: Men are weak by nature. She is not gratifying him sexually, so he looks for sex elsewhere. The question should be, why are some men faithful? It is the desire to not inflict harm on the person you love.
Kuwait: It’s not always about the sex. Most of the time, it involves the excitement and adventure of something new. When I stepped out on my wife, it was because we worked separate shifts and never saw each other. I needed someone to talk to and things happened that I regret. Men have feelings. A lack of stimulation mentally and sexually will drive us away.
Illinois: I left my wife after two decades of being shown I was nothing to her. She never made me feel important. When you promise to have a romantic evening, don’t bail at the last minute because something else is more important. Your marriage is most important.
Tulsa, Okla: When I met my wife, she was outgoing and fun. After 10 years, she wants to stay home and watch TV. She has gained an excessive amount of weight. She seldom speaks to me unless it is to order me around. When a young gal paid me some attention, it boosted my self-esteem like you would not believe. I felt someone wanted me. I pursued her and got caught red-handed.
Indiana: I have been married for 20 years. For the past five, my wife says sex once every other month is more than enough. I do the housework so she won’t be tired, I put the kids to bed, and I’ve pleaded with her to see a doctor, to no avail. So I am in the process of finding a woman I can have a physical relationship with.
Missouri: If I express an opinion out loud and my wife isn’t there to hear it, am I still wrong? For 40 years, I’ve been the one who supports the family, cleans the kitchen and does the laundry. Yet all vacation destinations are her choice and all friends we have are hers. We married for better or worse, so every few months I pay $150 for an hour with someone who takes care of me and doesn’t tell me I’m wrong about everything. That hour lifts my self-esteem so I can continue in the marriage.
Los Angeles: From the moment my wife said “I do,” she became cold, mean and emotionally abusive. Then I met a woman who appreciated all the qualities my wife found annoying.
Hollis, N.H.: Men, like all primates, are biologically polygamous and will attempt to mate with any female who is young and healthy. In the face of that overwhelming biological destiny, marriage doesn’t stand a chance.
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