Saturday, January 27, 2007
Dear Annie: I run a Sunday school program for 22 children. There are two young children in our care, "Billy," age 4, and "Andy," age 2. Their mother died a year ago, while giving birth to their baby sister. Their father recently remarried.
These children were manageable before their mother's death, but now they are impossible. Billy sits in front and hits the teacher's leg, pulls her skirt and kicks her. When restrained, he turns his attention to the teaching board and pulls down pictures. During craft time, he crumples his papers on the floor and refuses to participate. Separated from his older brother, Andy cooperates and follows instructions. However, he is slowly starting to imitate Billy.
While we do not know the intimate details of the home front, how do we handle the kids' behavior during the two-hour Sunday school and turn it around to be constructive instead of disruptive to the whole class? Teacher's Aide
Dear Teacher's Aide: Our hearts are breaking for these two little boys. Their mother died, they have a baby sister who demands a great deal of attention, and their father has remarried. They feel neglected and abandoned twice over. Their unruly behavior is their way of acting out their frustrations and gaining time and attention from the adults in their lives. They are crying for help.
First, please talk to the father and suggest professional counseling for the boys. The pediatrician can recommend someone who specializes in young children. Then help Andy and Billy get more positive attention by giving them a little extra time, thinking of special projects to work on (perhaps in art or music), and praising their efforts. They need to believe they are good boys, not pigeonholed as troublemakers.
Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I, along with several members of his family, enjoy drinking wine with our meals. We take great care to choose interesting wines to serve, and the bottles can be quite expensive.
The only problem is that some family members do not like wine, but will nonetheless serve themselves a glass so as not to feel left out. They will then proceed to dilute the wine with water or soda, or leave their glass full without drinking any. I don't mind sharing, but I hate wasting what can otherwise be enjoyed. Would it be appropriate to serve a "house" wine for these family members? S. in California
Dear S.: Yes and no. You don't want to single out those guests who don't indulge, or not offer them the opportunity to sample an interesting wine. You can minimize the waste by being a more gracious host. Don't put a bottle on the table for guests to serve themselves. Bring out two bottles -- the good stuff and the house wine -- and ask each guest which they would prefer. If they don't care, it's your choice what to pour.
Dear Annie: This is for "Shoeless Joe," the man who was baffled by the number of shoes in his girlfriend's closet.
I'd like to point out that not all women are hooked on shoes. I am 44, attractive, and well-educated. I have been married 10 years and have chosen not to have children. I don't care for shopping, I hate romantic comedies, and I would infinitely rather watch a football game than "Sex and the City."
I own fewer than 10 pairs of shoes. I prefer to spend my money enjoying nature, cooking gourmet meals and going to concerts. I buy shoes only when mine wear out. I have never equated possessions with happiness, and so know how to live richly with less. I am, in fact, a bit saddened to think there are women out there who chase rainbows at the shoe store. Empty Closet in Wisconsin
Dear Empty Closet: Shoes come in rainbow colors? OK, OK, we get it. You're not into shoes, and we know many women agree with you. Your husband must feel like a lucky guy.
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