Ian keeps room in his heart for his ex

Dear Annie: I am attracted to a friend and am unsure if I should tell him, or how. I always find myself thinking about "Ian" and having sexual fantasies about him. I know that sounds crazy, but I can't help it. To me, he is the perfect man and a wonderful friend. I have had bad relationships in the past, always finding Mr. Wrong.
Ian has been divorced for several years, but I know he still cares about his ex-wife and would probably do anything for her. What really makes things hard is that Ian and I are roommates -- purely platonic, of course. I don't want to make our living situation uncomfortable and surely don't want to lose him as a friend. What should I do? Torn in New York
Dear Torn: We say not to rush this. It's very likely you are having fantasies about Ian because he's so near and you are seeing him in a domesticated light. But if Ian is still hung up on his ex-wife, any move you make in his direction would probably be shot down, making the current living arrangements awkward. If Ian is interested in you, he will send signals your way. You can casually flirt with him a little and see if he responds, but you risk losing the friendship (and a roommate) if you actively pursue him when he's not ready.
Dear Annie: I have a problem with "Alexis," a good friend of three years. Not long after returning from a visit with her, she began giving me the silent treatment. After many unanswered calls and text messages, Alexis finally responded, saying she was upset at me for something I said four months ago. She added that she thought it might be best if we were not friends anymore.
I apologized for unknowingly offending her, and Alexis accepted my apology and said she thought we could move on. After some thinking on my part, however, I asked if, in the future, we can address problems immediately and not let them fester for so long. I felt blindsided in this situation and told her I was completely unaware of what had upset her and was hurt that she hadn't told me sooner.
Alexis e-mailed back and said she doesn't think she can change, and felt that I should not have turned the situation around on her. We have now parted ways. Did I act improperly? Hurting as Well in Mississippi
Dear Mississippi: Alexis strikes us as very high maintenance. We are not big fans of the mental telepathy school of friendship. She expects you to read her mind and gets angry when you don't. Worse, after you ask her to be more direct, she refuses and prefers to end the friendship. We say, good riddance.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from the 15-year-old girl who cuts herself. My beautiful 13-year-old daughter has done it, too. The school counselor gave me the news, saying one of my daughter's friends had informed her. She suggested immediate counseling and advised me not to confront my daughter.
I went through my daughter's stuff and found written statements about her cutting. I took her to a counselor and told my daughter that I was aware of the cutting and asked her to give me the knife she was using. When I asked why she was cutting, she said I was overprotective and that she was sad over the recent death of her grandmother.
I have asked her several times if she has stopped cutting and she says yes, but then she gets upset with me. The problem is, I don't trust her anymore. I worry she's lying. How can I be sure? Scared Mom in Texas
Dear Mom: We know you are afraid, and you should be watchful, but it might help to back off a bit. Your daughter is already seeing a counselor. You should make an appointment, too, and ask the counselor how best to deal with your child.
To our Bah & aacute;' & iacute; readers: Happy Ayy & aacute;m-i-H & aacute;.
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