OK 2 brk up by txt? Maybe

Knowing the right thing to do isn't always easy.
By RACHEL LEIBROCK
SCRIPPS HOWARD
Kevin Federline, you got served -- and via a text message, many are saying.
Earlier this month -- as most of the free world knows by now -- Britney Spears filed for divorce from Federline, her husband of two years.
The shock-and-awe move may have surprised almost no one, but it's how the pop singer reportedly did the deed that has etiquette experts buzzing.
On Nov. 6 (just a day before Spears filed), Federline was taping an interview with Toronto's MuchMusic channel. During the chat, as he was gushing about his "great" relationship with Spears, Federline's mood took a dramatic, visible turn for the worse after reading a text message.
His reaction, and a resulting clip of it -- which, with more than a million hits, was one of YouTube's most-viewed videos that week -- raises an important question:
What passes for appropriate conduct in this brave new world of techno- fueled relationships?
Because really, if that is how Spears turned K-Fed into Fed-Ex -- as it is being widely speculated online and in the celebrity mags -- Emily Post would be horrified.
Certainly, Kristina Grish is.
"It's just not appropriate to end a marriage that way," says Grish, author of the upcoming book "The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating and Techno-Relating."
"Breaking up with someone is such a personal and difficult thing," adds Grish, on the phone from her Manhattan home. "It should never be done over a text message."
Viewpoints
Not everyone agrees.
A Samsung Mobile survey, released in September, revealed that 13 percent of people 20 to 35 years old think it's fine to end a relationship via text- messaging.
Those over 35, however? Not so much. Perhaps it's a generational thing -- only 5 percent in the 36-to-55 demographic found such behavior acceptable.
In any case, increasing reliance on text messages -- Americans send an average of 48 messages per week, according to Samsung -- means that, just as with cell phone etiquette issues before, we must figure out such thorny texting matters as we go along.
"This is the new frontier of romantic discourse -- there really is no new tech-etiquette rule book," says Trish McDermott, a vice president with Engage.com, a San Mateo, Calif.,-based dating and social networking site.
Even so, some behaviors should transcend technology, she says.
"This is someone Britney exchanged vows with," says McDermott, on the phone from her Orinda home. "I think Kevin deserved a face-to-face meeting."
Of course, sending a text message is so much easier -- but it's also an easy cop-out, Arman Shakhray says.
"It's absolutely not OK," says the 19-year-old psychology student, sitting outside the Espresso Metro cafe near Sacramento City College recently.
"It indicates a fear -- you're afraid to look in someone's eyes when you tell them something important."
Oops
Nikki Keosophan agrees -- drop a bomb via text and you won't be there to gauge the person's response.
"There's just too much room for miscommunication. You can't see their face reaction or hear their tone of voice," says Keosophan, 22.
The cosmetology student is texting someone as she speaks -- but she's making lunch plans, not plans to break up.
"That's just so disrespectful," she says.
But classmate Ajit Mander, 19, gives the practice a little wiggle room.
"I'm using (text messages) to have an argument with someone right now," says Mander, 19. "It's OK for just letting someone know how you feel."
Then again, she adds, there should be some limitations.
"If you're not getting your point across, then you need to talk on the phone or face-to-face," Mander says. "At a certain point, (texting) stops being OK."
But, never fear. A handful of etiquette rules for text messaging already are making their way into the pop culture.
Here are five of them:
Electronically do onto others as you would have them do onto you.
Don't end a relationship via text message -- with exceptions. "If you've had little or no off-line interaction with someone, then it's OK to text your break-up," McDermott says.
But ...
Make it short. "Keep your message to around 150 characters," Grish says. "Try to limit it to one screen's worth (of words)."
Keep it specific. Even seemingly benign phrases like "C U L8r" can be interpreted in many ways. Is that later today? Later Saturday? Later as in "never in a million years?"
"A lot can be lost in translation," Grish says.
Be clear. "You want people to understand your tone and meaning," Grish says. "Type out a word if you think he or she might not understand an abbreviation."
Because you may know that "i lv u" means "I'm leaving you" -- but does he?