Saturday, May 27, 2006
Dear Annie: Would you please help me deal with what I consider to be the horrific proliferation of cosmetic surgeries to turn women's bodies into Barbie dolls? Especially breast implants.
I'm finding subtle shifts in men's expectations, and it is unnerving. I'm a 39-year-old pretty, petite, small-breasted woman. I never had any negative body image issues until recently. Now I feel confronted with a standard I can never live up to. Where are these unbelievable expectations coming from?
And what about the medical effects of implants on women? I need a reality check. I would like to hear from women about their implant experiences. Women have always been mercilessly judged on appearance, but it seems more insidious and damaging than ever. Is it just me? Is there a support group for the acceptance of women's natural bodies? A book? It's depressing. Barbie's Real Friend
Dear Barbie's Friend: It's not just you. Society promotes unhealthy images of women who are anorexically thin with huge breasts. According to the book "Our Bodies, Ourselves" (ourbodiesourselves.-org), the average American sees 3,000 ads per day, most of which are supported by advertising revenue from the fashion, beauty, diet and food industries. Those female models are often airbrushed and plastic-surgery-enhanced. It's no wonder, after a constant barrage of such images, that normal bodies look terribly flawed.
As for breast implants, silicone may be back on the market soon, but in the meantime, although most saline implants don't cause problems, there is the possibility of local complications within the first three years, including pain, rupture and the need for additional surgery. And here's a particularly startling statistic: Research by scientists at the National Cancer Institute found that women who have had breast implants for at least seven years are more likely to die from brain cancer, lung cancer or suicide, compared with other plastic surgery patients of the same age.
Still, there are plenty of decent men who value the person inside the body, regardless of its shape. Keep looking.
Dear Annie: I'd like to tell the medical profession something -- inactivity is not bad for your health. I have living proof sitting across the room from me. And sit he does -- year after year. The only time he gets up is to go to the bathroom or eat. He has mowed the lawn three times since October and occasionally takes out the garbage.
Now that I am retired, his laziness is driving me crazy. My husband told me long ago that if I wanted help, I'd better teach the kids, because he wasn't going to lift a finger. I am so angry, I'm afraid I will have a heart attack.
I would like a warm and loving relationship, but it is impossible to feel loving toward a knot on a log who treats me like his servant. If he would express a little appreciation, it would help. I need advice fast. The Master's Wife
Dear Wife: After all these years, you are not going to change him without his cooperation. He's become accustomed to being waited on and likes it. Get some counseling, with him if possible, but without him if necessary. You have some tough decisions to make about what you want from life and how to get it.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Daughter-in-Law in Louisiana," whose father- in-law was spending a fortune on mail-in contests. My mother was spending $400 to $500 a month on these contests until I wrote to Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association (dmaconsumers.org), P.O. Box 643, Carmel, N.Y. 10512, and asked to be removed from direct-mail solicitations. It takes about three months, but will substantially decrease the amount of mail received. Lawrence, Kan.
Dear Lawrence: An excellent suggestion, although readers should be aware that registration is good only for five years and doesn't eliminate all junk mail. But it helps.
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