For those grieving, holidays can be difficult

During the holidays, it's especially hard to hide from the loss of a loved one.
By ELISE McKEOWN SKOLNICK
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
The arrival of Santa, Christmas carols piped into store after store and holiday decorations everywhere you look fill many people with joy and brings happy thoughts of family.
For those who have recently lost a loved one, though, the tinsel and glitter can be painful.
"There are things out there that remind us of our loved ones. Sometimes it's music. Sometimes it's sights. Sometimes it's a sound," said Jane Peachey, bereavement supervisor at the Bereavement Resource Center of Hospice of the Valley in Canfield.
"But in general," Peachey continued, "holidays are times when family is supposed to be together, so those are times when you especially feel alone when your loved one's not there."
It's hard to hide from it this time of year, she said. From Halloween through the Super Bowl there is holiday after holiday, and the focus is on family and fun.
"They can't go any place without hitting something that screams, 'My loved one is not here. I'm going to have to spend the holiday alone,'" Peachey said. "When I talk to people they just wish everything would go away."
Transition
Every occasion someone experiences for the first time after the death of a loved one will be difficult, said Michelle Kissinger, a licensed social worker with Forum Health at Home Hospice in Warren.
And at Christmastime, individuals are making a transition from holidays with the loved one to future ones without, Kissinger said.
"It's a process of going through that transition," she said. "It's acceptance and understanding that future holidays are going to be very different than the times before with the individual that's died."
That's not to say that future holidays will be easy, Peachey pointed out. Often the second year is actually harder, she said.
Suddenly those grieving realize they don't have to get through just one holiday, they must get through the rest of the holidays of their life without the person they loved, Peachey said.
In her experience, those who struggle more with the grief process are young widows and widowers, those who have lost a child of any age and those who have lost someone unexpectedly, Peachey said.
"It's death out of time. It's death of your dream of how things are supposed to be," she said.
Young widows and widowers expect to grow old together and parents assume they'll die before their children. This often leaves the survivors with a feeling of anger rather than the holiday joy they are told to feel by well-meaning friends and relatives, Peachey explained.
Help available
Being with others who have experienced grief in their life can be helpful, Kissinger said. They can offer suggestions on how to get through the grieving process, she said. Bonding with those who have experienced similar circumstances can also help.
The Bereavement Resource Center offers special workshops to help cope with grief during the holidays, Peachey said. They work with children and parents separately, then come back together to work on an ornament in memory of their lost loved one.
"Sometimes it's not a specific Christmas ornament, but an ornament they can hang in their home to constantly remind them of their loved one's love," Peachey said. This serves to remind those left behind that though the person is gone, their love can't be taken from them.
Forum Health at Home Hospice and Bereavement Resource Center of Hospice of the Valley offer bereavement help to members of the community throughout the year.