Friend is concerned about suicide witness

Dear Annie: I have a situation I have never seen addressed in your column. I have a friend who witnessed his girlfriend's suicide. He is a complete mess (totally understandable).
I want to help, but don't know how. I've offered to listen if he needs to talk, and we have done some talking, but I can't understand how he is feeling, so it doesn't seem as if I am truly helping. I suggested he talk to the local mental health department. And he did on several occasions (shortly after the suicide). But he says they can't understand because they have not gone through this. I might add he is getting tired of people telling him, "I know how you feel." He says unless they actually witnessed a suicide, they don't have a clue.
He also won't go back to the local suicide support group. He says the other participants have been going for years and they are still really messed up. Plus, none of them actually witnessed a suicide.
He doesn't feel anyone understands. Is there someone he can talk to? He needs help now. Want to Help
Dear Want to Help: While suicide-survivor support groups are helpful for those who need to talk about their loss with others (no matter how long that takes), your friend may need more. As a witness to a suicide, he may be suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder, which puts him at great risk. Suggest that he ask his doctor to refer him to a therapist who deals with PTSD, or he can contact the Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Alliance (ptsdalliance.org) for information and referrals.
Dear Annie: How do you know when a marriage is over? What is it that keeps two unhappy people together so many years?
At the moment, I am on my second marriage. It has been 20 years, and there have been many rough and unhappy times. The only good factor is the three children we've had together.
I have tried to approach my husband to let him know how miserable I am, but it always ends in a big fight, which sometimes becomes verbally or physically abusive. Annie, I'm only 52 and want to spend the rest of my life with some measure of happiness. I have been working on the financial part, such as getting debts paid down and squirreling money away, but I desperately want out now.
I am afraid of the unknown and wonder if I can start over again. Times just seem so much harder than they were 25 years ago. Need Help in Illinois
Dear Need Help: Actually, there are more resources to help newly divorced women now than there were 25 years ago. First, if your husband is abusive, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at (800) 799-SAFE ([800] 799-7233). Then look into counseling before making any major decision. If you choose to leave your marriage, your state should offer assistance through its Department of Labor, and also check out community colleges, the YWCA (ywca.org) and government-sponsored One-Stop Centers at www.doleta.gov/usworkforce/onestop/onestopmap.cfm.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from the woman whose elderly friend, "Sadie," claimed the woman's 80-year-old husband made a pass at her. You thought Sadie may have some dementia. I think the husband should be tested.
My husband made a pass at someone, and it destroyed a family relationship. It turned out he has frontotemporal dementia -- the first signs of which are sexual indiscretions and giving money away. My husband had done both.
As our population lives longer, I am afraid this will become more prevalent. Maybe if my family reads this, they will understand the depth of this disease. I pray they can find it in their hearts to forgive and accept my husband as he is. C.
Dear C.: How sad. We hope your family members will see your letter and realize this indiscretion was beyond your husband's control.
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