Don't stoop to backstabbing relatives' level

Tuesday, August 29, 2006 Dear Annie: I have been married for 11 years to a wonderful husband. He comes from a large family, and they all gather at his mother's home every Sunday after church. The day usually begins by catching up on weekly matters, but it later deteriorates into a gossip/backstabbing party. I rarely visited Sundays with my husband and our two children because of my distaste for their behavior. We recently moved out of state, and I was "enlightened" by a fellow in-law about how cruel these family members really are. I was never naive enough to think they didn't gossip about me, but I am disappointed and hurt at the viciousness of the comments made in my direction. I have lost all respect for my in-laws and have no desire to be friendly. If it were up to me, I would never visit again. Since this isn't possible, how should I handle my future interactions, knowing that upon my departure, the knives will be flung at my back? Grateful We Moved Far Away Dear Grateful: Since these are your husband's family members, the best approach is to pretend you know nothing. Greet them as you always have, visit as long as you can manage, and leave with a smile on your face. You cannot control what they say behind your back, but you don't have to stoop to their level. It might help if you can keep in mind that these backstabbing, gossipy people raised that wonderful husband of yours. Dear Annie: I'm a 13-year-old girl, and I have a friend I'll call "Lindsey." Both of us love to talk and tell stories. The problem is that for every story I tell, she has to have one better or more extreme. Most of Lindsey's stories sound made up. Once I told her that in first grade, I cut my long hair to chin length the day after pictures. So she said that in her old school (she came to my school in third grade), one of her friends had hair down to her waist and she shaved her head after pictures. I don't believe that one. How do I tell her to "get real" without sounding rude? Second Best Dear Second Best: Lindsey needs the attention and admiration that her stories bring, so she probably embellishes them to seem more interesting. It's a sign of immaturity. You can tell Lindsey, gently, that sometimes her stories sound made-up and this could hurt her reputation. (She will deny it, but may also tone it down.) Still, please stand by her as your friend, so she can learn that she doesn't need to fabricate tall tales in order to feel appreciated. Dear Annie: After reading the letter from "Mother to Three Angels," whose triplets died shortly after birth, we had to let your readers know about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. This nonprofit organization, co-founded by Sandy Puc and Cheryl Haggard, is a network of professional photographers who volunteer their time, artistry and images to families faced with the loss of infants. NILMDTS has more than 800 affiliate photographers in five countries, all of whom create a lifetime of memories in the moments following birth, at no charge. It is our way of giving back in a positive and meaningful way. NILMDTS also provides an online forum where families, parents, photographers and health care providers can share their stories and support one another. Readers can learn more at www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org. Gail Mooney & Sandra Rodgers, NILMDTS Affiliate Photographers, North Dakota Dear Gail and Sandra: We checked out the Web site, and although it isn't for everyone, we found the photographs lovingly done. We're sure it can provide tremendous comfort for parents who have suffered such a loss. E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Creators Syndicate Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.