Monday, August 28, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006 Dear Annie: My wife, "Callie," and I have been married for 33 years and have not been intimate for the last 12. The only reason I've stayed so long is because my father died when I was 14 and I didn't want my children to grow up without their dad. I recently discovered that Callie, an operating room nurse, is having an affair with a doctor. It's a very nice set-up, since she gets called in after-hours for emergency cases and then she and the doc can meet at the hospital. I confronted her and even have a tape of her talking to her best friend about the affair. Callie doesn't seem to know what she wants to do about it. One day, she says she wants a divorce, and the next day, claims she never said any such thing. I offered to go for counseling, and she waffles on that, too. I have filed for divorce, though that is really not what I want. The last time we talked about counseling, she said she has to pass it by her lawyer first. That was more than three weeks ago. Oh, by the way, I have prostate cancer. I've been taking chemo, and everything is going well. Of course, Callie has never once asked me how I'm doing. Instead, she tells everyone that I will be dead in less than a year, despite the fact that she has never spoken to my doctors. Callie seems to be dragging her feet on the divorce. Several times I've told her I am willing to forgive and forget if we can work on our problems and rebuild our relationship. Now I think she is just waiting for me to die. What should I do? D.S. in Whitesboro, N.Y. Dear D.S.: We don't see what you are getting out of this relationship, and right now, you need someone who is supportive and loving. We assume your children are older and their growing up "without a dad" is no longer an issue. You deserve happiness, and you've been without it for much too long. Divorce can be stressful and can affect your health, but so does your current situation. If Callie won't seek counseling, go on your own and work through what you need to in order to cut her loose completely. Dear Annie: My 80-something neighbor, "Addie," is being kept in her home and out of a nursing facility by me. She's tough but sweet. A lot of neighbors used to take turns helping out, but have dropped off. If her children would split the work, it wouldn't be too difficult. Addie needs help with cleaning, yardwork, shopping, cooking nutritious meals, minor home maintenance and trips to the doctor. So how do I get her relatives to take over? She's very particular, but she's spunky. Worn-Out Woman Dear Worn Out: You have a heart of gold, but this is obviously too much for you. You can't force Addie's relatives to take over, but you can suggest they pool their resources and hire a caregiver through the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (caremanager.org). Information also is available through the National Family Caregivers Association (nfcacares.org) at (800) 896-3650, or the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at (800) 677-1116. Dear Annie: I had to laugh at "Nonviolent in the Midwest," who was upset that her children were playing with guns at a friend's house. I, too, didn't like my boys playing with guns and didn't permit them in my home. My oldest son is starting his third year at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, and my youngest recently enlisted and is at boot camp at Fort Benning. I am proud that my children are serving their country, but a part of me wonders if I had let them play with guns when they were children, maybe they would be less eager to do so as adults. Military Mom in Georgia Dear Mom: We suspect allowing toy guns in the house has very little to do with how boys turn out. Congratulations on raising two very patriotic young men. E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Creators Syndicate Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.