The woman should have been kept on a leash

Friday, August 25, 2006 Dear Annie: Thirty years ago, my wife, "Alicia," had an affair with a prominent citizen in our community. It began when she was asked to co-chair a charitable organization with him. He started driving her back and forth. She would return later and later, and then the two of them would sit in his car outside our house for another half-hour. Two years into the affair, Alicia went away on a "business trip," where she spent a week with him at a vacation resort. She also gave me a venereal disease. Most people in our community know the two of them had a fling. Early in the affair, we went for counseling, but Alicia repeatedly lied in the sessions. We stayed together, but our marriage has never been the same. I'm still in counseling. She won't go. This man is now 80 years old. When he dies, Alicia will want to go to his funeral. I am not in favor of this, but I know she won't listen to me. Should I allow her to attend his funeral, and should I go also? Still Coping Husband Dear Husband: Allow her to attend? You apparently have no say in the matter. Alicia has been walking all over you for 30 years. Unless she takes responsibility for the damage she's done to your marriage, counseling will only do so much. Since she is going to attend the funeral anyway, we say go with her. The woman needs a leash. Dear Annie: Many of your readers may be concerned about risks to children on the Internet. As more and more children go online, so do child predators. Families should know that children too often make themselves vulnerable targets. In a national survey of children (8-18) last fall, we found that half of teenagers post personal information about themselves online, one-third talked about meeting someone they knew only online, and one in eight discovered an adult posing as much younger. We recommend positive communication with your child and steps, such as: Tweens, ages 8-12, take fewer risks and should be praised for caution. Teens, 13-18, must be convinced of risks and may need to hear stories of kids manipulated because of their Internet behavior. Know what your kids do online. Ask them to show you their profiles and what activities are popular on the Web. Let children know from the start that you will monitor their Web use. Keep computers in public rooms and limit use to when you are present. Search the Internet for your child's name. Millions of people can see what children post online. Parents should know, too. If children insist on meeting someone known only from the Internet, they should take a parent or other adult and meet the online friend in a public place. Listen calmly and try not to react negatively when children are honest about online experiences. They should know they can come to you for help. For more guidance, and to order our new, free Internet Safety Kit, visit our website (www.pollyklaas.org). Thank you. Robert De Leo, Executive Director, Polly Klaas Foundation Dear Robert De Leo: Thank you for providing such sage advice. We hope our readers will consider getting your Internet Safety Kit to learn more. Dear Annie: This is in regard to "Isolated on the Great Plains," whose parents left her 70 percent of their estate and gave 30 percent to her late brother's children. Now one of her daughters wants her inheritance early. She should give her two daughters the same amount her brother's children received, and then do a Warren Buffett and leave the balance of her estate to charity. An inheritance is not an entitlement — it is a gift. Thinking Ahead Dear Thinking: Many readers agree with you, although we would not want the parents to punish one child because the other is greedy. Still, an inheritance is what the parents wish to give, no more, no less. E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Creators Syndicate Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.