Girl rules home and her parents

Monday, August 21, 2006 Dear Annie: Our 14-year-old granddaughter, "Sally," has become a problem since she entered middle school two years ago. Sally was a bright, happy youngster who achieved academically. But once she entered the seventh grade, she lost interest in everything except phones, computers and boys. Her grades slipped dramatically and continue to do so. Sally's pediatrician says she is extremely depressed, and he put her on an antidepressant and recommended counseling, which she is now undergoing. Recently, her parents learned that Sally has been slipping out of the house at night and driving her mother's car around, accompanied by one of her friends. This occurred three times before one of the neighbors spotted them and informed the family. Sally fails to understand the terrible things that could have happened to a 14-year-old driving around in the wee hours of the morning. She has lost everyone's trust. Sally surrounds herself with friends who come from dysfunctional homes. She is an only child who has been allowed to make all her own decisions since she was little. Her mother, our daughter, wants to be Sally's friend instead of her parent. Until recently, Sally's father worked away from home most of the week. Sally rules the roost. Now she wants her parents to move so she can attend another school across town. Her parents are considering it, even though the tuition is outrageous and transportation will be a logistical nightmare. Sally is our only grandchild, and we are concerned, but our suggestions are ignored. Should we just back off? Worried Grandparents Dear Worried: The best thing would be to recommend to your daughter that she ask Sally's counselor for the name of a family therapist. They need to work on how best to parent Sally. Beyond that, try to support the parents' decisions, and let Sally know you love her and that she can always come to you for advice and help. Dear Annie: My husband's health is not very good. According to his doctors, the outlook is grim. I do all I can for him and love him very much. I have a friend whose wife is in a nursing home and also not doing well. We both are very lonely. Neither of us has been intimate with our spouses for years. Is it possible to love my husband as much as I do and still be interested in some TLC and friendship with someone else? I can't believe my own feelings. Is it wrong to act on this? Somewhere in Florida Dear Florida: Your feelings are normal, but we are not going to give permission for you to have an affair, sorry. Marriage vows include "in sickness and health." Dinner-and-a-movie with your friend is fine, as long as it is friendship only. We understand your loneliness and desire for companionship, but there are better ways. Contact the Well Spouse Foundation (wellspouse.org), an organization that provides support for people in your position. The address is: 63 W. Main St., Suite H., Freehold, N.J. 07728. Dear Annie: I had to laugh when I read the letter from "Nonviolent in the Midwest," who didn't want her children to play with toy guns. I also tried to keep my son from playing with toy guns. However, after watching him chew a toy pistol from a piece of toast, I finally gave up. My son is now almost 20 and spending his summer at the Rainbow Family Festival, which is dedicated to peace and love. With Aloha from Hawaii Dear Hawaii: Thank you for pointing out that playing with toy guns does not necessarily make a child prone to violence. It's reassuring for parents to know. E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Creators Syndicate Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.