Saturday, April 22, 2006
Dear Annie: I married "Alex" a year ago, and now he wants a divorce. I don't know why.
Four months ago, Alex left home after a fight. We've been separated ever since. The reason we fought is because Alex kept coming home less and less. He preferred to live across town with his mother. (He's not a mama's boy. In fact, they rarely speak. He just wanted out, and her house was the easiest place to go.)
I have since found out that Alex has a narcotic addiction, and I also think he may be bipolar. He refuses to get counseling, even though I offered to go with him. He said counseling is for the "weak-minded."
Alex has refused all my attempts to reconcile, but he will not file for divorce. He also will not respond to e-mails, phone calls or anything. I asked several friends to speak with him, but it didn't help.
I am unable to work and am trying to get disability. I have no money to file for divorce. Plus, it is against my religious convictions. Any advice? In Limbo
Dear Limbo: You may be able to get an annulment, since Alex left you after only a few months of marriage and will not come home or get counseling. Talk to your clergyperson and ask for help. There is no reason, religious or otherwise, to continue in this sham of a marriage.
Dear Annie: Last year, I was invited to a potluck dinner at a friend's home. She asked me to bring a large vegetarian casserole for 20 people.
I happily baked the casserole, but made the mistake of putting it in a treasured serving dish that had been a wedding gift from a dear relative. When my husband and I left the potluck that evening, I told the hostess to enjoy the remaining casserole and to please return the dish next time we got together.
It has been nearly four months, but she has not returned the dish. This friend lives nearby and I asked if she would mind dropping off the piece the next time she drives past our home (which she does often). She seemed very annoyed and told me to come by and pick it up myself anytime. Since then, she hasn't returned my phone calls, and I wonder if I was wrong to ask for my dish back. Baffled in Kalamazoo
Dear Baffled: Of course not. Your friend should have returned it immediately after the dinner. Stop waiting for her to give it to you. Since she doesn't return your calls, drop by some evening and say you were in the area and thought this would be a good time to pick up your dish. Don't leave without it.
Dear Annie: As an adult adoptee, I was infuriated to read the letter from "Happy Empty Nesters in Texas," who resented her husband's continued relationship with his biological daughter.
I separately found both my birth mother and birth father, and they were thrilled that I wanted a relationship. I know some birth parents do not wish to be found, but "Happy's" husband isn't one of them. Her statement that this daughter "has added nothing to make my life better" is so incredibly selfish. Does this wife have any idea what being given up for adoption did to the daughter?
It doesn't sound like the husband objects in any way to his daughter's visits or calls. His wife should stop being so jealous and be glad her husband is a loving father who opened his arms to his child. And whether she likes it or not, the daughter is family. Angry Adoptee in Pennsylvania
Dear Angry: We received dozens of letters from outraged adoptees making similar statements. We absolutely agree that the relationship between Dad and his adult biological daughter is entirely up to them, and the sooner Dad's wife can accept it, the better for everyone.
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