Secret disco tour bothers husband

Dear Annie: I am a married man with a small baby. Two months ago, my wife, "Melinda," attended a conference in Atlantic City. On the final night of the conference, she went out with some single women and toured the nightspots with an escort of some Army officers.
Melinda didn't tell me any of this. I found out because one of my neighbors gleefully made a point of telling me she had witnessed Melinda dancing with these men at a disco at 4 a.m.
When Melinda came home, she told me all about the conference, but left out the disco tour. When I confronted her with my awareness of her little jaunt with the soldiers, she said they were "officers," not soldiers, and so that made it OK.
What really bothers me is that Melinda obviously had no intention of telling me anything about the disco party until I told her I already knew. Now I no longer feel I can trust her. If it were not for the baby, I would have left her for this deception. I am fearful of what else she may have failed to tell me.
We've been married only two years, and this was the first time she went somewhere overnight without me. Am I wrong to be outraged? California
Dear California: You are not wrong. Keep in mind, though, that for some women, becoming a new mother provokes a need to prove that they are still attractive and desirable.
Melinda showed poor judgment and a lack of respect for your marriage. Explain that she has undermined your trust and must take steps to fix the problem. Insist on some joint counseling. In the meantime, rekindle her romantic interest in you. Hire a sitter and take her out on a date once a week. Give her a chance to show off the sexy clothes that are stuffed behind the maternity tops. It could help.
Dear Annie: About a week ago, my boyfriend decided to end our three-year relationship to pursue "other interests." During the time that we were together, I received some expensive gifts and some not-so-expensive ones.
So, my question is, is it proper etiquette to return all of the gifts to my ex, or should I just give them away to charity? Anxious
Dear Anxious: Unless the gifts were family heirlooms, they are yours to do with as you please. However, since you do not intend to keep them anyway, we suggest you call your ex-boyfriend and graciously offer to return them before you make a donation. You'll look like a class act.
Dear Annie: I just read the letter from "Ambushed in Las Vegas," who told a co-worker about her cruise plans, and then the co-worker made reservations on the same ship. You asked if she could change her plans? I think she should march over to her co-worker and say, "We don't want to be on the same cruise with you and your obnoxious husband. Please change your plans, or don't expect us to acknowledge you on the trip."
Some people have to be told. I've seen too many of my friends take the high road and end up miserable. When are we going to get backbones and tell people they are too pushy? I vote tell the old bat off. I've never been ambushed, because I tell it like it is. Greer, S.C.
Dear Sweatheart: Sometimes brutal honesty is just that -- brutal. And it serves no greater purpose other than letting off steam. We don't think telling off a co-worker, someone you must continue to see daily, is a great idea. "Ambushed" can likely avoid the couple on the cruise anyway, without spelling out the reason in advance. Why cause unnecessary hard feelings just because you can? That's not backbone, that's cruelty.
Creators Syndicate
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