Parents must fight curiosity
Invasion of privacy angers one teen but has also improved communication.
By PHIL SCHWARTZ
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
What happens when privacy gets the boot? When the boundaries of personal space are blatantly disregarded?
I'll tell you: Journals are defiled; e-mails turn into public service announcements; instant message conversations are fair game, and sadly, MySpace no longer is my space.
The long-fought battle between parents and their children over privacy has intensified in recent years. In some cases, the natural trust between parents and a child is solid enough to maintain the child's privacy, but in other situations, there is a curious mother or father lurking somewhere in the shadows.
For those of us who don't have that strong bond, life may be more challenging. I can't speak for every teen in America, but I know that I scrape and claw for every inch of privacy I can get.
Distressing development
A few weeks ago, my parents were kind enough to install the omnipresent "PC Tattletale" on all of our computers. The results are wreaking havoc throughout the Schwartz household.
Who could have known the power that one stupid program could hold? Obviously not me.
My mother told me when she put the program on the computer, but I underestimated its abilities. As it turns out, "parental spyware" can record and retrieve every single window opened on the computer within the past two to three days. I was shocked when my concerned father confronted me with information I thought only I knew. I later learned that my parents had read almost every conversation that I had taken part in for about a week. Even worse, they had visited most of my friends' MySpace pages.
At first, I was furious. I couldn't stop screaming and arguing for hours. After I cooled down, I was overcome with utter disgust. If you have ever wanted to puke for days at a time, you know what I'm talking about. My most sacred freedom had been ripped out of my arms, trampled and then spit on.
The aftermath? My brothers and I don't instant message or browse MySpace (which severely limits my already limited social life). I am restricted to a 10 o'clock curfew; my friends are deathly afraid of my house and especially my mother. The worst part is the lost trust that my parents and I once had. But, interestingly, as a result of their spying, I'm also more likely to include them in my serious life decisions. Once my "secrets" were out, I felt more comfortable talking to them.
Moral of story
If anything, let my story be a lesson to other families. Parents and teens need to reach some sort of an agreement regarding privacy. Here's my suggestion:
Parents: Please respect the privacy of your child. Whether you are just curious or you truly are concerned, there are boundaries that should not be exceeded. Talk to your child; don't snoop. Sometimes, we need our own space. Journals, diaries, e-mails and private conversations should be considered off limits in most scenarios. I imagine it would be tough to watch a child grow up and not wonder what they are thinking, but keep your paws off our stuff.
Kids: Understand where your parents are coming from. Your guardian(s), whether they're your biological parents or someone else, are concerned about you, and for good reason. It's a harsh world with a lot of bad. Though curiosity may play a role in the snooping, the root of it originates from their love for you. I know how incredibly obnoxious parents can be, but they do care.
Though I am still upset with my parents' choice and I still feel the need to vomit once in a while, I am content with our new relationship. It's much more open and truthful.
Being able to talk to my parents about important things is something I value. Candid communication? What a concept.
XPhil Schwartz is a senior at Alhambra High School in Martinez, Calif.