Sunday, May 29, 2005
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married nearly 23 years. We have two great kids, good jobs, a nice house and lots of friends. I was very happy, and certain he was my soul mate, but then something changed.
I don't know exactly what happened, but for about a year, I have felt less connected to him and more attracted to "Carlo," a business associate. In recent months, I wake up at night with images of my husband's funeral in my head, and the person comforting me is Carlo. It's starting to seem like a premonition. While I initially awoke in tears, now I just try to go back to sleep.
To make matters worse, in the past few weeks, I've found myself avoiding my husband's touch and even cringed slightly on several occasions when he's kissed me. Also, I've started fantasizing about Carlo when my husband and I are intimate.
I do not understand what is happening. I've known Carlo for nine years at work, and I never gave him a second thought. Now I find myself wanting to be near him, and I keep wishing he'll kiss me. Is this just a midlife crisis? Tormented Wife
Dear Tormented: It is perfectly normal to fantasize about other men, and your dreams are a way of doing that safely. It's not that you wish your husband were dead. More likely, your dream signifies that you cannot justify being with another man unless your husband did not exist.
The problem is that in your waking life, you are dissatisfied and restless, and worse, you are avoiding intimacy with your husband. Plan a romantic getaway with him, and rekindle some of the excitement you are displacing on Carlo. If you cannot work up any enthusiasm to make the effort, it's time to see a marriage counselor.
Dear Annie: What is the obligation for an aunt and an uncle regarding a church communion for their 11-year-old nephew?
My husband and I are not religious and dread the thought of having to sit through the service at church. We'd rather visit the family afterward. We attended our niece's first communion, and I promised myself never again. My sister-in-law said it meant so much to our niece that we were there, but come on, there were over 300 people in the church. My niece had no clue we were in attendance. What is the right thing to do? Not Another Communion
Dear Not Another: You're not going to like it. The right thing to do is go. If your main objection is that you find a church service boring or unpleasant, we say take a deep breath and do this for the sake of family harmony. This is a one-time event for a child, and it won't kill you to be supportive for a few hours. Please try.
Dear Annie: I wrote the following poem for a friend of mine who was in the Pacific during World War II. He and his unit have a reunion every year, and there are not many of them left. I hope you will print it. William M. Dunbar, Ohio
Dear William Dunbar: We are pleased to do so on Memorial Day. Here it is:
REMEMBER US
Memorial Day is a day of tears,
For us who died over all the years.
We fought in wars to keep you free,
Now we lay in graves for you to see.
The tears you shed are tears of pride,
For every soldier fighting side by side.
Alive or dead we proved our worth,
In the closest thing to hell on earth.
We were different one and all,
But in times of need we heard the call.
Brothers all for country's sake,
We may bend but never break.
So remember us and say a prayer,
For all the soldiers everywhere.
For those of us who got the call,
Please pray that God will bless us all.
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