'Mom and Mom' becomes latest issue for schools

Schools have long been a battleground on gay issues.
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
WASHINGTON -- The nation's schools, a historic battleground for social controversy, are wrestling with a variety of gay and lesbian issues. The latest: A wave of children with same-sex parents is reaching school age.
Nationwide, about 250,000 children have same-sex parents -- a trend not limited to cities with large gay populations, according to census data culled by Gary Gates at the nonpartisan Urban Institute.
"The highest portions of same-sex couples with children are in the South," said Gates. The reason: He surmises that gays who grew up in the conservative Sunbelt value family and want to start their own.
Issues stir conflict
Gay issues have stirred conflict and parental concerns for years, as pupils have pushed cultural boundaries by forming gay-straight clubs, bringing same-sex dates to proms and resisting harassment and bullying. Now, as gay parents send their kids off to school, new concerns are being raised, reflecting anxiety about premature questions from children regarding human sexuality.
"It is amazing how inquisitive 5- and 6-year-olds can be when they are exposed to someone with two moms who are lesbians," said Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, a conservative advocacy group. "This is a very good example of how homosexual marriage impacts other families."
Educators said they have to be sensitive to those concerns but said they do not reflect what happens at school.
"The whole question is naive. It assumes a school district is going to teach sexuality at the first grade," said Christopher Maddox, who teaches in Dallas at Sam Houston Elementary.
Ellen Herbert, who teaches at Longview High School in East Texas, added: "I would never suggest that we go into any classroom and promote homosexuality. That is a nonissue."
Even so, gay issues and schools create conflict especially because children and human sexuality are involved.
Sent home with note
In Lafayette, La., last fall, a 7-year-old was sent home with a disciplinary note after telling a classmate that his two moms are gay, which he defined as "when a girl likes a girl." The note Marcus McLaurin carried home said: "This kind of discussion is not acceptable in my room." And, in the report, Marcus wrote, "I sed bad wurds" in describing his family.
Educators found the teacher's reaction harsh. Others point out that such conflicts are often caused by adults -- not by children, who care less about race, ethnicity and sexual orientation.
The subject is not going to disappear. "During the next 20 years, all schools are going to have to engage in conversations about these issues," said Liza Lee, former headmistress at the private, all-girls Hockaday School in Dallas.
Gates of the Urban Institute found that 38 percent of same-sex couples with children (50,097 households) live in the South.
Educators said parents should not fear that such nontraditional families will turn classrooms into forums on human sexuality. In today's schools, learning means sticking with a curriculum designed to meet mandated achievement standards.
"We don't address anything that is not in the curriculum," said Becky Reidling, principal of White Rock Elementary.
Other issues
Schools were a cultural battleground long before the recent surge of child-rearing by gays. School officials have heard from parents about harassment, bullying, same-sex prom dates and gay-straight pupil clubs -- issues that the courts have had to settle in some districts.
"I do not think this has any place in the schools," said Phyllis Schlafly, founder of the conservative Eagle Forum.
But Kevin Jennings, a former teacher and founder of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, said pupils and some parents see it differently: "Young people are coming out at earlier ages, and they are being assertive in claiming their rights in school."
Despite the higher profile, pupils say they are frequently bullied and harassed.
"I hear slurs every day about gay people," said Herbert, the Longview teacher, who is the 2004 Texas secondary teacher of the year. "Most of the time, no one does anything about it."
Costly lesson
Increasingly, school administrators learn ambivalence is costly.
In 1996, a jury awarded Jamie Nabozny nearly $1 million after years of abuse culminated with eight other Wisconsin high school students kicking him in the stomach and sending him to the hospital with internal bleeding. That same year a federal appellate court ruled that public schools have a constitutional obligation to prevent the abuse of gay pupils.