Saturday, October 30, 2004
By JIM SHEA
HARTFORD COURANT
You'd think that after President Bush's dress-up drop-in on the aircraft carrier backfired, politicians might tread a bit more cautiously when it comes to the phony photo-op.
You'd think.
But last week, here was a shotgun-toting John Kerry all decked out in neatly pressed camouflage duds goose-hunting in Ohio.
Now, I don't claim to get why if you shoot a big slow bird it makes people in Ohio want to vote for you.
Nor do I understand why the testosterone-stalking Kerry wasn't smart enough to equip himself with a more manly firearm -- a first-rate shoulder-fired missile for instance -- rather than some sissy shotgun.
However, I do know this.
Kerry in camos makes Michael Dukakis in a tank look like George S. Patton.
Anyway, with the election so close, I see the candidates going photo-op to photo-op in the closing days.
Comparisons
First up, President Bush.
Trying not to be out-machoed by Kerry's goose shoot, the president, in a camouflage flight suit, goes up in a fighter jet and strafes a flock of geese.
Looking to enhance his average-Joe persona, Kerry strips down to his T-shirt, paints his face red, and watches the World Series with a brewski and a bag of nachos.
To shore up his support among the wealthy, Bush lights up a cigar with a $100 bill.
Seeking to capitalize on Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling's popularity, Kerry has stitches placed in his ankle.
Hoping to energize his evangelical base, Bush dresses in a long flowing robe and drags a wooden cross through the swing states.
In pursuit of the Catholic vote, Kerry dons a priest's frock and gives absolution to Democrats who voted Republican in 2000.
To counter the perception he has taken his eye off the ball, Bush, outfitted in full special-ops regalia, kicks in the front door of a mosque and roughs up a few Muslims.
To express his own sense of military chic, Kerry immediately goes on Jay Leno's show wearing night-vision goggles.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bush rents a Barney costume and goes trick-or-treating with neighborhood kids.
Seeking to curry favor with female voters, Kerry appears at a campaign rally wearing a flattering black strapless number.
Attempting to solidify his support among NASCAR fans, Bush has Viagra advertisements and No. 43 painted on the presidential limo.
Not to be upstaged (so to speak), Kerry and his wife sit naked in his and her bathtubs and contemplate a Cialis moment.
XShea is a columnist for The Courant. Distributed by the Los Angeles Times/Washington Post News Service