Thursday, May 13, 2004
Dear Annie: I have had a marijuana habit since my teens and recently decided to quit. It is no longer something I enjoy, and I cannot reach the goals I plan to achieve in life if I continue to smoke pot. I haven't used for nearly six weeks.
The problem is that my husband, "Eddie," refuses to quit. He says it's his way of dealing with stress, depression and life in general. He likens it to a daily medication. Eddie once tried quitting by taking the prescribed medication route, but he didn't like the side effects.
I have threatened to leave if he continues to smoke, because I don't believe it is healthy for our children to stay in that lifestyle. He did agree to smoke outside, but I don't think that's enough. One of the reasons the smoking bothers me so much is because it seems Eddie needs to be stoned in order to deal with anything.
I am tired of fighting about it. I don't want to split up our family, but I am afraid it's the only answer. He is a great father and a good husband and takes responsibility for his actions. Please advise me. SOS in California
Dear SOS: Since you say he is a "great father and a good husband," it's too bad he can't see that his pot habit is damaging his family (not to mention it is illegal). You cannot force Eddie to quit, but you might find assistance through Nar-Anon World Services (naranon.com), a 12-step program for families and friends of addicts. The address is: 22527 Crenshaw Blvd., Suite 200B, Torrance, Calif. 90505.
Dear Annie: I received an invitation for a double graduation party that a co-worker is giving for her two sons. One will be graduating from high school, the other from junior high. My stepson also will be graduating from high school this month, and my stepdaughter will be turning 16 on the same day.
Here's the problem: My husband has been unemployed for the past nine months. Money is tight, and we're in danger of losing our house if he doesn't find work soon. My co-worker knows this and is sympathetic to our situation, but her two sons will still expect some kind of gift if we attend their party.
I prefer to spend what little money I have on my stepson and stepdaughter for their big events, but I feel obligated to get gifts for my co-worker's sons. If I don't attend her party, am I obligated to buy gifts anyway? If I do attend, would it be wrong to show up empty-handed? Tapped Out in New Jersey
Dear Tapped Out: Send your regrets and a lovely card congratulating the graduates. You are not obligated to send gifts, but it would be a stretch to show up at the party empty-handed. We say, sit this one out.
Dear Annie: I went to a movie last night with three of my friends. We sat in front of two women who began a low-voiced conversation during the previews, and continued with their running commentary into the first 40 minutes of the movie.
I finally turned around and said, "Will you please be quiet?" One woman gave a "harrumph," but the conversation stopped. After the movie ended, the woman tapped my shoulder and told me that she and her friend were "appropriately whispering" and that I was the one with the problem. I informed her that the only appropriate conversation during a movie is none.
I hope you will print this to remind others to refrain from conversing until the movie is over. Annoyed in Harrisburg, Pa.
Dear Annoyed: OK, here it is: Please, folks, don't talk during a movie unless it's an emergency. Even whispering is distracting and rude. If you must talk, wait until the movie comes out on DVD or video and watch it at home. Thanks.
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