ANNIE'S MAILBOX Her suspicions affect more than their sex life

Dear Annie: I have been married to "John" for seven years. Recently, I've started to suspect that he is cheating on me, although I have no solid evidence. He always has benign answers to my questions about any dubious behavior. However, I don't want to hurl accusations and cause a rift, in case I am mistaken.
Here's the real problem: John had a vasectomy a few years ago, so he has no reason to wear a condom when we are intimate. I don't feel safe having unprotected sex with him while I harbor suspicions that he is sleeping with other women. Is there some way I can protect myself? Cautious in California
Dear Cautious: It's time for you and John to get outside help. If you suspect he is cheating, it affects more than your sex life. The doubt undermines the trust and respect you should have for each other, and it can eat away at your marriage.
Tell John you would like him to go with you to see a marriage counselor. Explain that you are having some insecurities and you think counseling might help.
Let him know that until you resolve certain issues, you don't feel comfortable being intimate. Meanwhile, if you are that desperate to know, consider hiring a private investigator to clear up the mystery, one way or the other.
Dear Annie: I'm writing in response to "Lonely Wolf," the 13-year-old girl who is dealing with depression but doesn't want to take medication. I also dealt with this disease at her age. It took three years before I found the courage to tell anyone.
Even though I believed my inner thoughts were obvious, they weren't. Telling someone was difficult. I found it was easier to write down my feelings and give the letter to someone I trust. I gave mine to a teacher, and it was a huge relief finally to let someone know so I could get the help I needed.
My method for writing letters still works for me, and I hope she will consider trying it so she, too, can be on the road to recovery. Vermont
Dear Vermont: Writing letters is often a useful form of therapy. In your case, giving the information to a trusted teacher made the difference. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: When my teenage son needed help, I found a vitamin-mineral supplement used to treat bipolar disease. Prescription antidepressants don't work for everyone. Our son has been well for four years and attends university. He has his life back. We are so very grateful. Calgary, Alberta
Dear Calgary: We are reluctant to recommend medical treatments that have not yet been approved, but we agree that antidepressants do not work for everyone and alternative medicine often fills a need. Our thanks for writing.
Dear Annie: I am a paramedic and would like you to print a reminder for all motorists to pull over to the right when they hear a siren.
We were on a call last night when the car in front of us suddenly stopped and we very nearly collided with it. While I'm at it, tell your readers not to tailgate us, as it is dangerous and distracts the driver.
Remember, the person we are rushing to save may be someone you love. Please yield to emergency vehicles by pulling over to the right and coming to a full stop, and never in any circumstance tailgate an emergency vehicle. Daniel Garvin, EMT-P, Montreal
Dear Daniel Garvin: Thank you for the important reminder. We hope our readers will keep your message in mind while zipping down those busy streets.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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