KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She dreads bachelor party her husband will attend

Dear Annie: One of my husband's friends recently became engaged, and I am already dreading the bachelor party, which will no doubt include a strip club. I have been staying awake at night, knowing my husband, "Ben," will be attending.
It bothers me that Ben will be seeing live, naked women. I think since he is married, he doesn't need to go to a strip club. I've told Ben how I feel, but he doesn't seem to care. I've told him if he goes, I won't be able to look at him or be physical with him for a while because I will be so disgusted. He knows I mean it, too, because it happened once before.
I am seriously considering going to a bar that night, all dressed up, hoping to meet a man. I don't intend to cheat on my husband, but I want him to go through the same anguish I will be going through. I know this is petty, but what's a wife to do? Disgusted in California
Dear Disgusted: A wife needs to decide if she trusts her husband or not. One night spent looking at naked women is not going to hurt a healthy marriage. We understand why you find it objectionable, but your response determines the damage level. Picking up strange men in retaliation is destructive and certainly isn't going to help. You can turn this into a major battle or forget about it. It's up to you.
Dear Annie: My husband's niece, "Greta," always asks us to baby-sit for her two kids. She says she will pay us, but we rarely see the green stuff. The last time Greta paid, she gave me $5, and we had the kids for 12 hours over two days.
Sometimes she doesn't always come for the children right away, and we have them for two or three hours past the pick-up time.
Lately, I've told Greta that I'm busy when I'm really not. My husband and I have been out of work for the last five months and don't have much income. Is it wrong to come right out and ask her for the money? Tired of Being Used
Dear Used: Go right ahead. Greta is taking advantage of you. Insist that she pay you for your services or you will no longer be available. Plenty of people are looking for reliable baby sitters and would be more than willing to pay a fair price. If you are looking for a way to make some money, start there.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from "Frustrated and Outmaneuvered," whose mother-in-law gives the grandchildren nice gifts but insists on keeping them at her house. I also do this, not to bribe the children to come over, but to give them something to do when they visit. Of course, I also buy toys that they can take home.
I think this mom is jealous that her kids want to go to Grandma's house. When I was a child, my grandma had a swing set, but I didn't go to her house because of that. I went because I loved her. Grandmother Out West
Dear Grandmother: There's nothing wrong with keeping toys at your home for the children to play with. "Frustrated's" mother-in-law, however, would not allow the children to take any gift home. This is unreasonable. Read on:
Grandma in Sarasota, Fla.: This mother-in-law should be told in no uncertain terms what a gift means. It doesn't come with strings attached, and Grandma should be set straight at once. Perhaps she can read them a special story or bake cookies together. There are so many ways to make a visit enjoyable without using bribery.
Memphis: The mother needs to have her head examined. I am thrilled that my mother-in-law keeps all the toys at her house. I have plenty to pick up at home. We are blessed that she wants to be with our kids. How about an attitude of gratitude?
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