Sunday, March 14, 2004
Dear Annie: My 22-year-old brother went on a trip with his friends and came back with a T-shirt with a funny saying on it that included a swear word. One day, the shirt mysteriously disappeared. It turns out my mother threw it away because she didn't like what it said.
I knew how much my brother loved that shirt, so last Christmas, I had a T-shirt made with the same message and gave it to him as a replacement. Now it, too, is gone. My mother admitted she shredded it.
That shirt cost me a lot of money. Does Mom have the right to throw out someone else's property? Montreal, Quebec
Dear Montreal: Mom obviously didn't care for that shirt, but she should not have tossed it. She should have told your brother that she found the shirt offensive and asked him not to wear it in front of her. Your brother, being the caring son that he is, would have complied, of course.
Dear Annie: We recently gave birth to our fourth son, who is my in-laws' 12th grandchild. Apparently, they've had enough. My in-laws left for a vacation the week the baby was due, saying they "forgot" we were expecting.
When we delivered our child, there were major complications and the baby ended up in intensive care for a number of days. While everything turned out fine, my husband's parents have yet to see their newest grandson. It's been six weeks, and they live less than 10 minutes from our house.
How could grandparents not care about a new baby? What could be more important? I don't want to take the baby to their house -- that makes it too easy for them and much harder for us with our three other children.
My in-laws are both under 55 years of age and in good health. They do not play an active part in any of my little boys' lives, although they are very involved with their granddaughters. We have learned to deal with that, and at least they were around when our children were born -- until now.
Do we have to wait until the baptism? How do I manage this hurt? Mother of the Forgotten Grandson
Dear Mother: Your in-laws seem rather uninvolved in their grandsons' lives, which is a shame. It would be understandable to hold a grudge, but please take the high road and go see them. Accept whatever contact they offer, without expecting more. Perhaps your parents, or other family members or friends, can fill the empty emotional space. As your children grow up, your in-laws will see what they've been missing. We only hope it won't be too late.
Dear Annie: I read the letter in your column from "Mother of a Not-So-Brave Daughter, Yet," whose daughter was being harassed at school. I am a veteran middle-school teacher in Kentucky and would like to offer a possible solution.
All middle schools experience similar problems. In all our hallways, we have surveillance cameras. Students are aware that everything they do in the hallways is recorded on film. What a difference this makes!
Please tell this mother to bypass the principal and go directly to the school board with her concern. I'm sure they will consider this option if they were made aware of the problem. Kentucky Middle School Teacher
Dear Kentucky: A sensible suggestion, if the school can afford it, although many parents would find such surveillance intrusive. However, knowing their movements are on record can deter a great many students from misbehaving.
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