KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Neighbor boy's aggression is downright mean

Dear Annie: One of my neighbors has a 7-year-old boy I'll call "Max." Max enjoys playing with my two children, but he is a very aggressive child. In fact, I think he's downright mean. He hits my children as well as breaks their toys.
The real problem is Max's mother. She cannot control him at all. Max bites and hits her. She is divorced, and it's apparent that Max is a very angry child. He has been tested for ADHD, but his mother isn't interested in putting him on medication or giving him therapy.
I am afraid that one day Max may hurt my children. I have tried telling the boy that he can't come over to play, but his mother sends him to my house anyway. What should I do? Concerned in New York
Dear Concerned: Talk to the mother directly. Inform her that Max is hitting your children and breaking their toys and you don't want him to play at your house. Try to be sympathetic, telling her you realize it must be difficult raising such an unhappy child, and suggest that medication and/or therapy sometimes can make a huge difference. Encourage her to do what's best for her son before his anti-social behavior isolates him from his peers completely and makes it impossible for the child to develop a healthy self-esteem.
Dear Annie: I'm 14 years old and have a little sister in the grade below me. "Jane" is very popular, and I'm not. Even my friends think she is prettier than I am. At home, Jane is the golden child. If I do something wrong, my parents will yell at me, but if Jane does the exact same thing, they won't say a word.
I love Jane a lot, but sometimes I feel more like her mother than her sister. The worst part is that Jane got a boyfriend a few weeks ago and I can't talk to her anymore. How can I get her to open up to me? Crying in Kansas
Dear Crying: You seem both resentful of Jane and desperate for her attention. It's hard to have Miss Popularity for a sister. If you want Jane to confide in you, let her know you are available and discreet, but the rest is up to her. In the meantime, work on your own interests, and, as you get older, you will find that Jane's charisma is less of an issue. Hang in there.
Dear Annie: I am a 62-year-old woman. When I was 3 years old, my mother left me to be raised by my father's family. I didn't hear from her again until she sent a card for my 34th birthday. After that, we began corresponding fairly regularly, and visited each other two or three times.
Four years ago, my father passed away. My stepmother, who had been married to Dad for over 50 years, did not include my mother's name in the death notice. This upset my mother, who said I should have been more aggressive about seeing that this was taken care of. She became angry and has ignored me ever since.
For two years after my father's death, I sent cards and notes to my mother on special occasions, but I never received a reply, so I finally gave up. My preacher says to mend your differences, but I don't know how to do this. Do you have any suggestions? Sad in Florida
Dear Florida: This is not your fault. A woman who could abandon her child for 31 years, then cut off all contact because she wasn't listed in her ex-husband's death notice, does not sound mentally healthy. You have done everything possible to mend fences, but your mother is unwilling or unable to do her part. Since you are having such a hard time accepting the situation, please talk to your preacher or a counselor about ways to let this go.
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