Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Dear Annie: My partner, "Lindsay," and I have been together for two years, and unfortunately, we each have some trust issues because of past relationships.
I recently discovered that Lindsay has been lying to me. Two days ago, she strolled in the door at midnight. At first she said she'd been working late, but then admitted she had been at a bar, gambling. When I asked how many times she had done this, she said only once. I found out this was not true. She apparently gambles quite often. I asked Lindsay to go to a support group, but she refused, insisting she does not have a problem.
I truly love this woman and do not want to dissolve our relationship, but I do not trust her any longer. How can I resolve this if Lindsay isn't willing to help? Lost In Limbo
Dear Lost: You can't, especially if Lindsay is addicted. You can, however, contact Gam-Anon, a support group for family, friends and loved ones of compulsive gamblers. Write to: Gam-Anon International Service Office Inc., P.O. Box 157, Whitestone, N.Y. 11357 (gam-anon.org). Good luck.
Dear Annie: The other day, my father and I got into a huge fight, and I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings at that moment. I said some pretty mean things because I was angry.
Now I regret what I wrote, and I don't know what to do. My dad and I have a hard time talking. My stepmom tries to help, but it doesn't do any good. I see a therapist, but it hasn't helped much. Distressed Teenage Daughter in California
Dear Daughter: Always remember that your father loves you and wants a good relationship just as much as you do. We're betting he will forgive your angry words if you tell him how sorry you are.
Meanwhile, discuss this with your therapist. Be receptive to suggestions for changing any behavior that may be fueling these arguments with Dad. If you don't feel your therapist is helping, it might be time for a referral to someone else.
Dear Annie: "Danny" and I have lived together for eight years, and our relationship is great. My parents visit occasionally and will stay for a week, during which time they expect us to drive them around.
Here's the problem: Mom insists on sitting in the front passenger seat. However, Danny refuses to drive unless I sit next to him. If I drive, my parents think Danny is lazy. My mother tends to get her way about everything. She holds grudges forever, so my relatives take the easy way out and don't bother arguing with her.
Danny and I have talked about this, but I cannot get him to change his mind. He believes he is taking a stand on principle. Now my mother hates Danny, and my father and siblings are backing her up.
I disagree with Danny's decision, but otherwise, he's very generous with my parents. When they visit, he buys every meal for them, and we give them our master bedroom. What do I do the next time we get in a car? This is such a stupid problem, but I cannot figure out how to solve it. Ready To Ditch Both of Them in Arizona
Dear Arizona: Actually, some folks consider it a sign of respect to let Mom sit in front, and it's too bad Danny didn't choose a better fight. However, he is right that he must take a stand at some point or Mom will run right over you. So, we say, back him up and hold your ground. If Mom fumes, so be it.
Annie's Snippet: "We must all learn to live together as brothers, or we will all perish together as fools." Martin Luther King Jr.
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