Friday, August 27, 2004
If you're reading this column, chances are you're a sports fan.
Weirdo.
No offense, of course. Hey, I'm writing this. What does that say about me? But let's think about this logically for a second.
Why are we sports fans?
Let's say you have a friend at work named John. He cares passionately about Prudential Insurance. He wears Prudential shirts. He has a Prudential tattoo on his shoulder. He can tell you not just how Prudential has performed this year, but how it's performed every year since 1974.
One day, John comes to work -- and no, you do not work for Prudential -- and he's really depressed.
You ask him what's wrong.
"Prudential got out-sold by Allstate yesterday," he says. "We were ahead most of the day, but Dave Smith, the New York regional manager, missed a few sales late in the day and it ended up costing us."
Most likely, you arch your eyebrow at him, slowly inch your chair away and say, "Oooohhhhkaaaay."
And then, the next time you pass John at work, you will walk on the other side of the hallway, careful not to make eye contact.
Different story
But let's say John has the same obsession with the Cleveland Browns, even though he doesn't work for the Browns, has never played for the Browns and has never even met one of the Browns, unless you count that time he went to the mall and got Brian Brennan's autograph, which has been sitting in a box in his closet for the past 17 years.
You wouldn't think John was strange at all.
In fact, you might think he's strange if he doesn't feel that way about the Browns. Lord knows you do.
But let's face it. It's a little weird.
Of course, it's a little less weird if you're talking about high school football. (Or college football, for that matter.)
Let's say you cheer for Chaney. Chances are, you either played for Chaney, went to Chaney or, at least, live on the West Side. You know who the coach is (Ron Berdis), how many times Chaney has made the playoffs in the past four years (four), how what former Cowboy is now in the Heisman Trophy hunt (Brad Smith).
(Heck, you might know that even if you don't like Chaney.)
Now let's say the Cowboys beat Fitch in football tonight. (Note: I am not saying I think this will happen. Then again, I'm not saying it won't. What I'm saying is that I'm not saying anything.) Anyway, next time you're shopping in Austintown, you'll probably walk a little taller and feel a little prouder. You might even run into someone you know who lives in Austintown and rub it in a little.
Or say Fitch beats Chaney. Maybe you wake up on Saturday morning a little bummed out and decide not to read the sports section. Or you decide to read the sports section, notice that Fitch beating Chaney is on the front page and fire off an e-mail to The Vindicator complaining that the only time we put Chaney on the front page is when it loses. (Note: It's going on the front either way. Please don't e-mail us.)
Either way, it's a common reaction. But, unless you play for the Cowboys -- or at least have a son who does -- it's kind of a bizarre reaction.
I mean, logically speaking, it really doesn't prove anything about either town, except that the 17-year-olds living in one school district are better at a game than the 17-year-olds in another school district.
And you certainly wouldn't feel the same way if Chaney beat Fitch in, say, boys soccer, would you?
Would you?
Get to the point
I know what you're thinking, "Joe, what's your point?"
Good question. Fact is, I'm not sure.
Maybe my point is that it's best not to think about sports logically, that it's best to enjoy them as a nice diversion from the bad stuff that happens in life.
Maybe it's that I spend too much time thinking about things like this.
Maybe it's just that I needed a column.
One thing I do know: High school football starts (in full) tonight. And, for the next 10 weeks, life will feel just a little sweeter for most of us.
Of course, there may be a few non-sports fans who will look at us like we're weird. And you know what I'll say?
Long live the weirdos.
XJoe Scalzo is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write to him at scalzo@vindy.com.