ANNIE'S MAILBOX Her husband fits profile of a potential abuser

Dear Annie: I used to work at a factory. Six months ago, I married "Sam," the foreman on another shift. However, after we married, Sam became insanely jealous.
I worked evenings. Every night when I came home, I was drilled about how I was not to talk to anyone about anything except work, and then, only if I couldn't get answers from Sam. He said the guys on my shift were jealous of my marrying the boss. Finally, I accepted a day job at the factory, but I was transferred because Sam would have been my direct supervisor. So, to avoid problems at home, I simply quit.
Sam has been at the factory for 41 years. I was there for five. After three months, I am still unemployed and he's still jealous. I am not allowed to leave the house without telling him first. I get in trouble for speaking to men in stores. If I receive junk mail, he must see it, and if I get a phone call that's a wrong number, he never believes it. I even get into trouble for fixing my hair and getting dressed in the morning before he leaves for work. It makes him think I'm having an affair.
How can I get through this? At My Wits' End in Maryville, Mo.
Dear Maryville: Get through it? You need to get out of it. Sam fits the profile of a potential abuser. Insist that he go with you for counseling or you're leaving.
Dear Annie: I have been married to "Stan" for five years. My only serious complaint is his irresponsibility when it comes to his corporate expense account. As a sales exec, he spends over $500 per month, but he fails to submit the required receipts to his company for reimbursement. We are therefore continually paying for company dinners and travel expenses out of our own pockets.
The company requires that each receipt be detailed, and I can't find all the receipts hidden in his wallet, glove box, coat pockets, underwear drawer or shaving kit. Stan and I have fought over this many times, and although Stan admits he has a "mental block" about the money, he seems powerless to change his behavior. I have tried throwing tantrums, threatening to call his boss, withholding sex, all to no avail.
Is there some therapy to help him become more organized? Mrs. Blockhead
Dear Mrs. B.: It's called behavior modification, but it won't work unless Stan cooperates. Try this: Buy a small wallet for the sole purpose of storing receipts, and every day, remind Stan to put it in his pocket or briefcase. At the end of each day, ask to see what's in it. If he stashes a receipt elsewhere, have him get it and put it in the wallet. Stan will need constant reminders and a willingness to change his behavior for this process to become second nature to him. We hope you're up to it.
Dear Annie: I work for a wonderful cardiologist. Not long ago, you printed a letter about a doctor who makes his patients wait in the office for hours. A few copies of that column were sent to our manager.
Yes, the doctor I work for makes his patients wait. When I make appointments, I tell the patients to phone 30 minutes beforehand to see if the doctor is on time. If he isn't, I offer to call them when the doctor is available. I know it is inconvenient, but at least the patients can do some shopping while they wait.
The doctor often is called away for an emergency, and the scheduling is not his fault. If these people don't like waiting, they should find another doctor. We're tired of them yelling at the office help. Arizona Assistant
Dear Arizona: That letter was not about cardiologists, or other doctors who often are called away for emergencies. It was about internists who deliberately overschedule. Regardless of the reason, patients should not be yelling at the office staff, so we're glad you got that off your chest.
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