Thursday, September 25, 2003
Dear Annie: I have never met my biological father. I only know his name and that he wanted nothing to do with me. My mother never lied to us about him. I am now 19 and suddenly possessed with the desire to meet him.
My question is, how do I tell my parents? I think my mother will understand, but I'm worried about my stepfather. I love him a lot -- he's the only father I have ever known, or wanted. The problem is that he has a volatile temper. Our relationship has been pretty rocky over the past few years, but we've finally achieved peace, and I don't want to hurt him.
How can I convince my parents that finding my biological father has nothing to do with the job they did as parents? I just want information and closure. I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. Afraid to Talk
Dear Afraid: You are 19 and do not need your parents' permission to search for your biological father, although it is kind of you to be so concerned about their feelings. Sit down with your parents, and discuss the matter calmly. Let them know you love them both and your search doesn't mean you are dissatisfied with their parenting skills. It is more an issue of curiosity and information. If they still object, so be it. This is your decision.
Dear Annie: I am the mother of three wonderful kids, and I have a good life. When I was 15, I looked in the mirror and noticed I had a bald spot near my front hairline. From that point on, my hair started falling out, shedding more and more every day.
I have tried everything, from different hairstylists to doctors. When I was pregnant, my hair became a bit more normal, and stayed that way for about a year after my son's birth. My scalp itches a lot, too. Now my hair falls out, grows back a little, and then falls out again. I have no more actual bald spots, although the one I found at 15 is still visible.
I cannot handle this. I am depressed, constantly distracted, and my attitude is terrible. I tried antidepressants, but that only made the hair problem worse. Could it be some form of malnutrition? I am out of ideas. You are my last hope. Please help me. Balding Eagle in Idaho
Dear Idaho: Please make an appointment right away with an endocrinologist to check your hormone levels, and a dermatologist to rule out skin disorders. (Ask your doctor for referrals.) It's also possible you are suffering from alopecia areata, an autoimmune disease. For more information, contact the National Alopecia Areata Foundation at NAAF, P.O. Box 150760, San Rafael, Calif. 94915-0760 (alopeciaareata.com).
Dear Annie: I have a 29-year-old son who is pursuing an acting career in New York. He takes a lot of temporary positions in order to make money, but often winds up short of cash or without a job. Naturally, he turns to me, his 60-year-old pop, for financial assistance. While it's obvious that giving him money is a temporary fix and not a long-term solution, it's emotionally difficult to withhold money for food and shelter. What's a parent to do? Frustrated Pop
Dear Pop: There is nothing wrong with offering financial assistance to your son on a temporary basis if you can afford it. Decide how long you are willing to subsidize his aspirations. If his career doesn't take off within that time, any future handouts should be loans that he must repay, or else he must find a job that will support him.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate