Thursday, October 23, 2003
Dear Annie: I am the single father of three teenagers, two of whom live with me. The third is 18 and now lives with his mother. I always have had full custody of the children and never received any child support from their mother. My ex-wife won't even keep the kids for her scheduled visitations. They never stay overnight at her house.
Six months ago, I finally received a court order granting me child support from my ex. Of course, even though she has marketable job skills, my ex makes a deliberate effort not to find employment so that she doesn't have to pay me.
I am trying hard to bite my tongue, but I am losing patience. I'm tired of this woman getting away without supporting her kids. Meanwhile, the children tell me I should willingly pay for everything, since I have a job and their mother doesn't.
What should I do? Should I just keep quiet and grind my teeth? California Dad
Dear Dad: You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. If your ex-wife isn't working, it's difficult to force her to pay child support. (What is she living on?) Talk to your lawyer about ways to make the financial burden more equitable, and then take your case to the judge.
Dear Annie: My daughter recently started taking dance classes at a new studio in town. At her first session, I stayed in the parents' lounge. During the break, my daughter came out to say that she needed a dollar for a bottle of water.
I have been to many dance and athletic classes with my daughter, and she never has had to pay for water. On the field, the coaches bring large containers and paper cups. Some places have drinking fountains.
Beyond the possible legal problems associated with not providing water for a company's employees, this seems to be a case of questionable ethics. Some children are dropped off at the studio and may not have water or money with them. Dancing is strenuous exercise, and it is easy to become dehydrated.
I haven't said anything because it may be making a big deal out of nothing. But do you think this is right? Thirsty Parent in the Midwest
Dear Parent: Since this is a private dance studio, it is assumed that all costs, including water, are absorbed by the students. A drinking fountain would be nice, but not all buildings come equipped with them these days.
Now that you know the score, be sure to send your daughter with some bottled water. You also might suggest to the instructors that, in the future, they inform new students of this policy in advance of the first lesson.
Dear Annie: I am a new mother, so tell me if I am being overly sensitive. When my sister-in-law, "Bonnie," gives my daughter a pacifier, she always sticks it in her own mouth first and then in my daughter's mouth.
After watching Bonnie do this, I asked her about it. She told me, "Oh, the babies take the pacifier better when it's wet, and it helps clean it, too."
I was shocked and suggested instead just rinsing it under tap water. So far, she's ignored me. I don't want to cause hard feelings, but this sounds terribly unsanitary. I would not want someone licking the rim of my glass before I took a drink. Am I overreacting, or should I put my foot down? New Mom in Memphis
Dear New Mom: Put your foot down, but do it nicely. Tell Bonnie, "I'd feel better if you didn't put the pacifier in your mouth. Please humor me on this." Then take it from her and clean it before giving it to your baby.
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