Thursday, October 2, 2003
Dear Readers: The mail on our survey about cheating spouses keeps coming. Writing to us was apparently quite therapeutic (and you'll note similar phrases in nearly every letter), and it's obvious you want to be heard. We learned a great deal from you, and we appreciate the education. Here's more:
From Wisconsin: If I'd had any brains, I would have told my husband to buzz off the first time he cheated. When he had sex with my sister, I kicked him out and am now happily married to a real man. Once a liar, always a liar.
Boston: I'm a gay man who caught my partner cheating. I forgave and insisted on counseling, but it didn't work. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Nebraska: I forgave my wife for my kids' sake, but I hate her for what she did, and I hate myself for faking that I care about her one bit. Once a slut, always a slut.
Vermont: I forgave my husband and stayed with him for 22 more cheating years. How much better my life could have been if I'd divorced him the first time. Once a snake, always a snake.
Indiana: My wife never said she was sorry or worked on making things better. Counseling helped me, but not "us." Leopards never change their spots.
Iowa: If we had divorced, I could have moved on and rebuilt my life. The kids are out of the house now and things are worse than ever, but the children idolize and respect their father, and I don't want to shatter their world.
Rhode Island: Now that my kids are grown up, they blame me for staying with my cheating husband and believe we'd all have been better off if I had left him.
New York: It took a long time to get past the pain of my husband's affair, but 12 years later, I trust him again. Not the same way as before, but more realistically. The infidelity has left scars, but it's like an old relic that I've stuffed into a shoebox in the back of a closet.
Arizona: I divorced the sadistic waste of oxygen. Cheating is an indication of selfish, reptilian character. Better to leave them in the dust and take everything they have on the way out. I don't regret my decision one bit.
Connecticut: If my husband ever cheated, I would make him take a polygraph test once a year for the rest of his life. How can you trust a cheater again?
California: On Nov. 19, 1977, at 11:15 a.m., my wife disclosed that she was having an affair with one of my employees. It eased her conscience, but it was the end of our marriage. It ruined my faith in women, and it ruined my life.
Virginia: When I was 16, my father had an affair with a 19-year-old girl. My mother would pull me out of school and have me drive around following him everywhere. (Mom couldn't drive.) My last year of high school was a nightmare. They're still married, but they always bring up the affair when they fight.
Luverne, Minn.: My ex-husband had several affairs. I am now married to a wonderful man, and I've told him that if I had been Mrs. Bobbitt, I'd have dropped that thing in the garbage disposal on my way out the door.
Santa Fe, N.M.: I could forgive, but it would take a frontal lobotomy to forget.
Chicago: Every time I make a mortgage payment or sit up with a sick child, I take a couple of seconds to wish my former wife was in her grave, along with her new husband. I only regret I didn't divorce her sooner.
Mesa, Ariz.: Last year, I discovered that my 75-year-old husband had been having a five-year affair with a good friend of mine. I don't want a divorce at my age, but I have no feeling for my husband and am just going through the motions. I'll never know if I made the right decision.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate