Saturday, July 19, 2003
Dear Annie: I am an older woman whose breasts are of unequal size. I have had many years to adjust to this fact about myself, and I am quite comfortable with my body "as is." I do not feel a need to enhance my lesser side.
That said, I find it rude in the extreme when an acquaintance (always a man) feels it necessary to point out my state of inequality. ("Did you know that . . . ?") One man even ventured a guess as to my two different cup sizes.
When I express displeasure with this unwanted attention, I am told it is meant as a joke, that I am "too sensitive" or that the speaker is "only telling the truth." I can assure you I don't wear revealing clothing or in any way solicit these remarks. Isn't it bad manners to call attention to another's anomalies? What can I say that would make it clear how inappropriate I find this? Just the Way I Am
Dear Just: We're trying to figure out why any "acquaintance" feels entitled to comment on the disproportionate size of your breasts. There is no excuse for making insensitive and rude remarks about one's physical appearance, height, weight or age, but it is especially egregious to point out flaws in such an intimate part of one's anatomy. These men apparently feel quite uninhibited around you.
Obviously, the discrepancy in your breast size is quite noticeable. However, since you choose not to camouflage your appearance, you must expect a certain number of idiots to express themselves inappropriately. Simply smile and say, "Now why would that be any concern of yours?" and walk away.
Dear Annie: My husband and I recently bought our first house. Neither of us smokes, but members of our families do. We live in another state, so this is rarely an issue. However, when people visit, they stay for several days.
Most of our relatives respect our requests to smoke outside. My husband was reluctant to tell his mother about our rule, however, so during her recent visit, I made sure to inform her. She seemed agreeable, but when I woke up the next morning, the house reeked of stale smoke. The smell in the guestroom almost knocked me over. She obviously waited until I had gone to sleep so she could smoke behind my back.
My husband refuses to say anything to her, and he has forbidden me to speak up. Am I asking too much to request that she go outside? Smokin' Mad in Virginia
Dear Virginia: More worrisome than your mother-in-law's lack of respect is your husband's lack of support. Tell him if he can't find a backbone, to make an appointment with a marriage counselor because, honey, you're going to need it.
Dear Annie: I attend church every Sunday and have noticed that more and more people eat all kinds of things during the service. Many of the children are fed candy, which means noisy wrappers, as well as sticky fingers on the backs of the pews and half-eaten candy stuck to the floor. Once I saw a mother hand her young child a dripping ice cream cone. I also have been to church weddings where the adults drink soda during the ceremony.
I am only 24 years old, and I find this behavior inappropriate. Surely everyone, young or old, can manage to go without food, drink and candy long enough to get through a church service. No Food Allowed in Illinois
Dear Illinois: Most parents give children candy in order to keep them quiet, although it often has the opposite effect. And while a throat lozenge or a small, unobtrusive piece of candy is OK, please, folks, knock off the munching, crunching and slurping. It's never too early to teach a child proper behavior, and it helps when the parents set a good example.
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