KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She feels insecure in all her relationships

Dear Annie: I am 28 years old and have felt insecure in all my relationships. Most of the men I've dated cheated on me, and I no longer trust anyone.
I finally have met someone who seems like the real thing. "Cliff" says he wants to marry me. We live in different states, but he works for an airline, and we see each other quite often. He plans on transferring to be closer to me.
I'm scared to death. No one ever has offered to change his entire life for me. I'm a little suspicious about it and sometimes find myself accusing Cliff of things he hasn't done. He keeps telling me he loves only me. I want to believe him, but I know he dated a lot of other women before we became serious.
I'm afraid my need for constant reassurance will drive him away. What can I do about my insecurities? If he does transfer here, should I believe he is faithful and honest? Chicago
Dear Chicago: Relationships don't come with a guarantee, and there is no way to know for sure that this one will work. However, there is no reason to think Cliff is unfaithful or will be. The fact that he dated a lot of other women is meaningless. You are right that your insecurities might drive him right out the door, so please discuss your fears with a neutral third party, and don't lay them at Cliff's feet.
Dear Annie: This is about the obese father from San Bernardino, Calif., who asked for help losing weight and was considering gastric bypass surgery. Although you made various suggestions, you failed to recommend a Registered Dietitian (RD).
An RD has a degree in a nutrition-related field and must complete a minimum of 940 hours of field study before passing a registration exam, and at least 15 hours of continuing education each year to maintain his or her status. An RD is not to be confused with a "nutritionist," who often has no formal education related to nutrition. For more information please go to www.eatright.org. Selma, Ind.
Dear Indiana: Thanks for the suggestion. Many readers wanted to help this fellow. Here's more on the pros and cons of gastric bypass:
Dear Annie: Two years ago, I was in the same position as "San Bernardino." I had one foot in death's door and probably would not have lasted another year.
I became aware of gastric bypass surgery from an ad in the local newspaper. I did some investigation, went to a doctor's information seminar and decided to go through with the procedure. I had the surgery in August 2002, and so far I have lost 125 pounds and feel great.
Before the surgery, I needed a ton of medication for diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, back pain and shortness of breath. All I take now are vitamin supplements, which I must continue for life. That's a small tradeoff.
If this man decides on gastric bypass, I urge him to go to a surgeon who will insist that he be examined by a cardiologist, pulmonary specialist, psychologist, and so on. No shortcuts. I wish him godspeed. Wyomissing, Pa.
Dear Wyomissing: Thank you for pointing out how important it is to select a good surgeon and be properly evaluated prior to undergoing any procedure. Any surgery carries risk. Here's a letter that shows the tragic side:
Dear Annie: Please beg this man not to go through with gastric bypass surgery. Two years ago, my 450-pound father, age 38, had a gastric bypass and is no longer with us because of complications from surgery. Please get this message to the father from San Bernardino. He needs to lose the weight naturally and start eating healthier if he wants to watch his children grow up. Hurting Daughter from Rialto, Calif.
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