KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Son has taken a do-nothing approach to life

Dear Annie: Our 24-year-old son, "Rod," has been jobless for nearly a year and now lives at home. His mother and I have tried everything to get him off the couch and find a job, to no avail.
At a recent free depression screening (thanks for recommending it), Rod was diagnosed with "moderate depression," although he generally seems to be fairly cheerful. He sleeps most of the day, and at night stays up playing computer games or goes out with friends.
Rod dropped out of college after his freshman year, saying he'd rather kill himself than go back to school. Later, he took one computer-graphics course at a community college and survived. He doesn't contribute to room and board, but he will do odd jobs to help out around the house and yard when asked.
Rod has a counseling appointment next week, which is good, but when he's gone for counseling in the past, he's never returned for a second session. As an adult, he can't be forced to do anything against his will. And his will to do anything seems virtually nonexistent.
If I kick Rod out of the house, I fear he won't be able to cope and will end up on the street. But I'm getting increasingly fed up with his do-nothing approach to life. What can you suggest? Bumfuzzled in Nashville, Tenn.
Dear Nashville: The inability to "get off the couch" is often a sign of depression. It might help to tie in Rod's room and board with counseling sessions. Let him know he can stay if he continues to see a counselor. Also, help him find some part-time work, and insist he earn a few dollars and be productive. Sometimes motivation comes quicker if it is preceded by a swift kick.
Dear Annie: I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a cousin's wedding. Now, with less than a month to go before the wedding, I am considering backing out. The bride chose a bridesmaid's dress that cost $200. I didn't think that was so bad, but she also chose shoes that were $125. Then she selected a necklace and earring set that cost $85. For the shower, the bride chose an expensive restaurant, and my share of the bill was over $100, and that didn't include decorations or a gift.
This seems like a lot to spend for the "privilege" of being a bridesmaid, but there's more. The bride recently informed us that she expects her bridesmaids to act as waitresses at the reception because the couple cannot afford to pay a wait staff.
Isn't this way beyond the duties of a bridesmaid? The other bridesmaids are offended as well, but we don't know what to do. Please help. Bride's Slave
Dear Slave: Some brides go off the deep end. The costly dress and shoes are expected. The jewelry, while a bit much, is OK. Telling you where to host her shower is improper. Asking you to be a waitress is so far over the top that we are speechless at her gall. (Well, almost.) Next she'll tell you to bake the cake.
Once the ceremony is over, your only obligation is to have a good time. The bridesmaids should get their backbones together now and tell the bride, "Sorry, but we didn't sign up to be waitresses." If she insists, feel free to bow out.
Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from a woman who was being stalked. You suggested she get an answering machine and keep the tapes. Newer answering machines are all digital with non-removable memory. She might have to resort to turning up the volume and placing a tape recorder next to it. F.W.
Dear F.W.: We should have known this, since we have such a machine. The woman should see if the tape recorder set-up works. Thanks for the heads up.
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