KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Getting their larger house was a big mistake

Dear Annie: Last year, my wife and I decided it was time to get a larger house. Around the same time, my mom concluded she should sell her home. Since the price Mom wanted for her place was too good to pass up, we agreed to buy it. After the papers were signed, however, Mom decided she would simply move to one of the upper floors instead of moving out.
The upper floor has its own entrance, and Mom assured us we would live separate lives. We couldn't very well throw her out of the home she'd known for years, so we allowed the arrangement to stick. The problems began when Mom started invading our section of the house whenever she pleased. If the doors were locked, she simply would use her garage key to let herself in through the kitchen.
Three months ago, my wife gave birth to twins. At that point, Mom came into the house every half-hour. She'd bang on the door if it was locked. I decided to take the garage key away because her behavior was so intrusive. My wife actually had heart palpitations whenever she saw Mom coming.
My main problem, Annie, is that my wife and mother always respected each other. Now that respect is gone, and my mother cries about the way my wife has "changed." My mother believes we don't let her see the twins often enough. She thinks she should be downstairs every day.
The stress level in our home is very high right now, and I'm stuck between my mother and wife. I want to protect my wife, but I don't want to hurt my mother in the process. What do I do? M.P.
Dear M.P: You must get your mother out of the house, or sell it and move elsewhere. Mom, no matter how well-intentioned, is going to ruin your marriage if you don't create a more solid separation between her and the life you have with your wife and children. Encourage Mom to move into a condo or apartment where she will have autonomy and privacy. Help her look through the classifieds. We know the separation will be difficult, and yes, Mom's feelings will be hurt, but it is necessary to do this.
Dear Annie: I read the letter about the 14-year-old boy who wears thong swimsuits. I'm in my 30s, heterosexual, and I love to wear skimpy swimsuits at the pool and tight leotards at the gym. Wearing these items, which leave little to the imagination, enhances my workout because it gives me extra energy, if you know what I mean. I admit I'm an exhibitionist, but I'm proud of my body and enjoy the attention when I see people staring at me.
Is it wrong to dress like this if it helps promote the intensity of my workout? Love To Be Nearly Naked
Dear Naked: As long as you aren't doing anything illegal, we say, whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you don't get too carried away.
Dear Annie: My husband is an alcoholic, and it makes me sick to look at him. I have gone to Al-Anon meetings, but not recently. I just want to get away as fast as I can. We have been married for 28 years, and he has been drunk the whole time. I want out. My sister says I should think of him as having cancer. Frankly, I do not consider the two things the same. I believe he has a choice and he chooses to drink. What do you say? Landover, Md.
Dear Landover: Try Al-Anon one more time, and let your husband know how close to the brink his marriage is. He is addicted to alcohol, and this is not a choice he makes freely. If Al-Anon cannot help you work through this, and your husband is unwilling to make the effort to change, it may be time to pack up.
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