Sunday, November 10, 2002
Dear Annie: I have been married for 27 years, and my youngest child is a 15-year-old boy, "David." Recently, while searching for vacation fares online, my computer malfunctioned, and I needed to log on to David's computer in his bedroom. I opened up the search engine, and the five most recent search items were displayed. Imagine my shock when two pornography sites were listed. I then looked at his history file and discovered David had accessed adult Web sites 56 times in the previous three weeks. Most of these sites were extremely hard-core. I was sick to my stomach.
When David came home from school, I told him how I had stumbled across his little secret. He broke down and cried. He said he had been trying unsuccessfully to stop viewing the porn, but that it was constantly being thrown at him through unsolicited Internet mail. He didn't know how to stop it. After our discussion and some research together, we downloaded an Internet pornography filter. David told me he was grateful the temptation would be taken away from him.
I would like to tell all parents to be aware of the pornography that our children are bombarded with online. Keep a watchful eye, and download a porn-filtering program. Your child may thank you. Concerned Mom in Cordova, Tenn.
Dear Concerned Mom: Parents need to monitor their children's Internet use and ensure that inappropriate content is filtered out.
It must have been difficult for David to discuss his addiction, but your deft touch in handling the situation made it easier for him to talk to you and accept your assistance. Please keep an eye on him, Mom. If he found it impossible to stop viewing Internet porn, it could still be a serious problem for him.
Dear Annie: I am an 80-year-old woman and have arranged to leave my estate to my two unmarried children. I also had a daughter who died six years ago. She was the mother of my only grandchild. Should my grandson inherit my deceased daughter's portion of the estate? I'm not rich, but my two surviving children could use the small financial boost. My grandson has already inherited a generous lifetime pension from his late mother, and I'm sure his father will leave him something, too.
I don't want to punish my grandson simply because he is better off financially than my children. I have never felt close to this young man and don't know what to do. Please help. Conflicted Grandmother in the Golden State
Dear Grandmother: It is usually best to be fair when dividing an estate among siblings. It eliminates resentment. Of course, you are not obligated to give your grandson the same share as your children, but please do not cut him out entirely.
Talk to an estate planner, and figure out a way to leave something to your grandson. Perhaps you have a special item that once belonged to his mother. Meanwhile, it is not too late to work on a better relationship with the young man.
Dear Annie: My husband is an alcoholic and is taking medication to stop drinking, but he often lies about taking the pills. I'm certain if I stopped monitoring his medication, he'd make a beeline for the booze. What should I do? Arizona
Dear Arizona: You should contact Al-Anon, for families and friends of alcoholics. The address is: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, Va. 23454-5617 (www.al-anon.alateen.org), or call their toll-free number: (888) 4AL-ANON (888-425-2666). Good luck.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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