KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox She's having a hard time trusting 'Charles'

Dear Annie: Twenty-five years ago, my husband, "Charles," confessed he was having an affair and asked for a divorce. I agreed to it and said I would take the children back to my hometown, closer to my parents. The next day, Charles did a complete turnaround, telling me he made a mistake, he loved me and he wanted to stay with me. I took him back, and we haven't discussed the subject since.
Now I have this weird feeling that he is up to something again. I can't explain my suspicions, but something is not right. I confronted Charles, but he insists he is faithful. I am having a hard time trusting him, and I constantly ask where he's been, who he's seen, and so on. I am going crazy. Please help. Cheating Husband's Wife
Dear Wife: Although you should pay attention to your instincts, don't make any rash assumptions without proof. You can hire a private detective if you think Charles is sneaking around, or you can start going through his pockets, credit card bills and e-mail. However, if you find nothing, you will still be suspicious.
Please make an appointment to see a marriage counselor to discuss your anxieties. Ask Charles to go with you, but if he refuses, go alone. You need help from an impartial observer who has all the details.
Dear Annie: I recently met a girl online, and we clicked right away. We've been talking for two months, and although we have yet to meet each other in person, the connection is solid.
Tell me, Annie, how much personal information should she have at this time? I've had a rather checkered past and broken a few laws. I feel it is only fair that she know everything about me, but I am afraid it will make her run in the other direction.
It seems as if I've known and loved her forever, and she says she feels the same way. It might be a match made in heaven, but I'm worried about the skeletons in my closet. Please help. Worcester, Mass.
Dear Worcester: Be honest. If you have been married before, have children or were convicted of a crime, she should be aware of these things upfront. She does not need to know the name of every girl you dated, how many parking tickets you've paid or how much money you have in the bank.
If this woman is still interested, great. If not, at least the relationship is new enough to end it before you've invested too much. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I am newly engaged and very excited. The problem is "Bobby's" mother. In the past three years, Bobby has spoken to her only a few times and has yet to tell her of our engagement. He still harbors some resentment over her hurtful actions during his parents' divorce.
Bobby loves his mother and wants her to attend the wedding, but he does not want to include her in any of the prewedding planning. However, he is afraid she will be so hurt at the exclusion that she will corner him during the reception and begin crying. How can we prevent this? Your advice would be much appreciated. Trying to be Fair in Oshkosh, Wis.
Dear Oshkosh: Obviously, Bobby is still angry about the divorce, but you should consider your wedding an opportunity to smooth over the rough spots. Surely there are wedding plans that Bobby doesn't need to handle. Can she come with you to select the flowers or your dress? Can she help address invitations from home? There are ways to include Mom while minimizing her contact with Bobby. As her new daughter-in-law, you will be in a position to help mend their relationship. Please try.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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