KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Accidental e-mail appalled Grandma

Dear Annie: I am a 70-year-old grandmother, and I e-mail my grandchildren often, passing on little jokes and stories, and keeping in touch. They have my name in their address books so they can easily click on it and send me things. This week, my 13-year-old granddaughter accidentally sent me the most revolting, filthy, disgusting e-mail I have ever seen. It was about oral sex and described all the details. Someone sent it to her, and she forwarded it to 20 of her friends -- and me.
I don't know what to do about this. Should I tell her parents? They are having some personal problems right now, and I hate to burden them. However, if they find out later that I did not tell them, they will be angry. Another thing that worries me is that my name is now attached to this e-mail, which went to her friends, who no doubt sent it to 20 more friends, and on and on. What if an adult gets hold of this obscene e-mail and thinks I condone such garbage?
I am not sleeping at night over this and am deeply hurt that my little granddaughter would read such filth. What should I do? Granny in the Midwest
Dear Granny: The fact that your granddaughter is aware of oral sex and is reading about it does not mean she is engaging in the practice. Most teens are fascinated by the idea of sex and want to know everything about it.
Talk to your granddaughter directly. Let her know she accidentally sent you this e-mail and you are worried about her. Like it or not, you now have an excellent opportunity to bring up the subject of sex and discuss the hazards of becoming intimate at such a young age. If your relationship is strong, she will listen to you.
Without betraying her confidence, you might also mention to her parents that they are overdue for a talk about the birds and the bees with their daughter.
Dear Annie: I am a vegan with an etiquette question. My boss' wife often invites my husband and me for dinner, and usually makes an effort to prepare foods I can eat. I appreciate her kindness, but "Irene" really doesn't understand what being a vegetarian means and often includes unacceptable ingredients. Recently, she fixed a lovely vegetarian casserole, and I discovered later that there was beef broth in it.
It would be easier if Irene made steaks. Then I simply could avoid the meat and eat the bread, vegetables and baked potatoes without complaint. However, by telling me something is vegetarian, I assume it is safe. Irene goes to a lot of trouble on my behalf. Is there a polite way to tell her that beef broth, gelatin, and so on, are not vegetarian fare? Please help me out here. Where's the Beef?
Dear Beef: Irene would be heartbroken to realize her efforts are not adequate, but it would be unfair to let her continue. Be tactful. Say, "Irene, your vegetarian dishes are fabulous, but you really shouldn't go through so much trouble. However, I thought you should know that I've become a bit stricter and no longer eat anything derived from animals, including beef broth and gelatin."
Dear Annie: My future daughter-in-law is very polite and respectful. Her table manners are decent -- with one exception. She holds her fork in a clenched fist when she cuts her meat, and then puts the food in her mouth with the same clenched fist holding the fork.
Should I tell her this is considered poor table manners? I believe she would like to know, but I don't want to insult her. Proper Mom in Covington, Ga.
Dear Mom: If it bothers your son, he will mention it to her, but you should say nothing. Perhaps she will learn by watching your example.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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