KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox He can't make mother-in-law help herself

Dear Annie: I am a 41-year-old man and have lived in Arizona for 20 years. For the last six years, my mother-in-law has been living with us. She is a very nice lady, quite outgoing, wants to help her kids however she can, and will do without things for herself if it means her children and grandchildren have what they want.
This self-sacrifice is fine to a point, but Mom takes it too far. Right now she desperately needs glasses, but she refuses to buy them because her oldest son needs financial help. He has been out of work for three years and does not appear to be in any hurry to find a job. In fact, he lived with us for two years before I threw him out of the house. I don't think Mom has ever forgiven me for that. At the moment, he is living in a hotel, and Mom is paying the bill.
Is there anything I can do to help my mother-in-law help herself? She pays us a small amount of rent, but we don't need her money. Should I kick her out of the house like I did her son and force her to put herself first? Steaming in Mesa, Ariz.
Dear Mesa: It sounds as if you are harboring a great deal of resentment toward your brother-in-law, and that is why you don't want Mom to help him.
Here's the solution: Stay out of it. What Mom does with her money is her business, whether or not you approve. If she wants to give it all to Sonny Boy, let her live with the consequences. She not only is hurting herself, she is crippling her son and preventing him from standing on his own two feet. Nonetheless, asking her to stop is pointless. Remove yourself from the situation before you boil over.
Dear Annie: I am a 13-year-old girl. The problem is, I am overweight, and I don't like it at all. My mother says I am too young to go on a diet, but I should cut down on junk food and exercise daily. I have tried that, Annie, but nothing seems to work. I exercised for weeks, but there was no improvement. I can't take the teasing anymore. Please help. California Girl
Dear California: Most likely, you are not finished growing, and your muscles are still developing. The important thing is to be healthy. Eating well and exercising is not something you should be doing "for weeks." It's something you should be doing for the rest of your life. If you eat healthy foods and get regular exercise, it will pay off. Ask your mother to help you learn about nutrition and how to read labels on foods. Get into an after-school sports or exercise program that you enjoy and are willing to continue.
If you hold your head up high and ignore the teasing (or learn to laugh at yourself), it will lose its bite. Hang in there, honey.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from "Resentful in St. Louis," whose parents insisted on coming along every time she planned a vacation to see her siblings. I also live in the same town as my parents. Ten years ago, my three sisters and I got together for our parents' 50th wedding anniversary party. We had so much fun, we decided to get together one weekend every year, without the kids and spouses. We rotate hosting duties, and every fourth year, we include the folks when the sibling get-together is at my house. This seems to work for us.
We have enjoyed different places and have been able to catch up on our lives and just visit. Parents are wonderful, but they should realize that we are a different generation and have different interests. Rancho Cucamonga, Calif.
Dear Rancho Cucamonga: Assuming your sisters are visiting the folks at other times during the year, this provides a nice balance. Thanks for the alternative idea.
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