Beasley, the BCS and other top trends
Sportswriters are powerful people.
People depend on us to provide a social conscience, hard-hitting commentary and sarcastic remarks about the Ohio High School Athletic Association (official motto: "You can't criticize our decisions if we don't make any").
My insatiable lust for power is one of the reasons I went into this business, along with the excellent job market, enormous salary and unbeatable hours. ("Nights and weekends? That's a winning combination!")
But there are other perks, and one of them is that you get paid to watch sports. Along the way, you notice figures and trends that become staples in the sporting world.
Rather than list the ones I wish would go away, I've decided to applaud 10 of sports' more colorful people and worthwhile innovations.
UDrunken riots after college athletic events. At first glance, this seems like a bad thing. But as you know, it is illegal to buy or consume alcohol before the age of 21. Except, of course, for religious purposes. This can only mean one thing: More students are turning to religion to sort out their problems. Ohio State seems to have become a particularly religious campus.
UThunderstix. Not only are these balloon-like noisemakers (popularized by Anaheim Angels fans) not so unbelievably annoying that you want to kick their inventor in the shins, but they're also found in evening World Series games, which are also fabulously popular. Except, of course, with baseball fans.
UThe Tomahawk Chop. Like the wave, Michael Jordan and milk, this just gets better with age.
USolomon Wilcots. The Browns' losing seasons have gotten old, but this colorful CBS analyst remains as fresh as ever. Wilcots has become famous for never saying "The Browns" when he can say "The Cleveland Browns football team." He also brings us such insightful comments as: "If the Cleveland Browns football team wants to win football games in the National Football League, they need to learn how to run the football effectively" and "Converting third downs allows football teams to get first downs and keep the other team's offense off the field."
USideline reporters. Listen, we miss Eric Dickerson as much as anyone, but there are still plenty of competent sideline reporters out there. (Like Beasley Reese.) And not only do these reporters provide essential commentary on the mood of the team, they also ask coaches hard hitting questions like, "Coach, what are you going to try to do in the second half?" and "Coach, you had three turnovers in the first quarter -- was that the type of start you wanted in this game?"
UThe Bowl Championship Series. Sure it's been criticized, but it's not like high school or professional football have a better system.
UThe NFL's sudden death overtime. Sure it's been criticized, but it's not like high school or college football have a better system.
UNASCAR. Oh wait, we were talking about sports. Sorry.
UPay-per-view games of LeBron James. They've finally decided to make big money exploiting high school basketball players, and I say it's about time. Teen-age gymnasts and figure skaters aren't the only ones who can bring big ratings.
UDirect TV. At last, there's something to fill the void in our lives for endless sports programming. There were times in the past when ESPN and ESPN2 both aired commercials at the same time and viewers didn't know what to do. They were terrible, terrible times.
But thanks to the thousands of channels on Direct TV, there's certain to be something sports-related on TV.
The only problem is when the satellite goes out. It's rare, but the best thing to do in that situation is panic.
I mean, what else are people supposed to do?
Read?
XJoe Scalzo is a sportswriter for The Vindicator. Write him at scalzo@vindy.com.