KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Mom expects them to pay for everything

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is supposed to come to our home for a two-week vacation next month. I did not invite her to visit us. As a matter of fact, she told me she's notifying us ahead of time so we can get a good price on airline tickets for her and my husband's nephew. And, yes, she expects us to pay for both airfares.
We don't have the money for such an extravagance. When I told Mother we could not afford two tickets, she said, "Just put it on your credit card" -- as if that would make it less expensive. We can barely make our monthly bills as it is. When we visited Mom last summer, we paid for everything from groceries to the gas in her car. I even provided money for my mother-in-law to gamble at the local casino.
Mother doesn't make a lot of money, and she is not well, but she is perfectly capable of working. She also somehow finds the strength to shop and play the slot machines. When I told my husband this excessive spending is too much for us, he said I was being selfish.
I make more money than my husband does and ought to have some say in where it goes. I don't mind sending Mother a few dollars every month, but my husband's three brothers live 5 miles from her and don't give her one red cent. Why are we the only ones who are stuck?
Am I selfish, or is my mother-in-law expecting too much? Virginia Woman
Dear Virginia: You and your husband need to discuss how much money you can afford to give your mother-in-law. He must learn to say "no" to her constant requests. It serves no purpose to put your family into debt in order to finance her gambling and other nonessential needs. If Mother requires additional funding, your husband should insist that his brothers contribute. (P.S. You are under no obligation whatsoever to pay for the grandson's airplane ticket.)
Dear Annie: My wife suffered a massive heart attack last September at the young age of 39. She survived, and is now at home and physically healthy. She is neurologically disabled, however, and I was forced to sell our family business in order to take care of her and our four children.
"Susie" suffered chest pains in the months before her heart attack, but doctors diagnosed it as acid reflux. She could have been given a test to confirm the diagnosis, but her doctors deemed it unnecessary because of her age and family history. Annie, please tell your readers to insist on this simple test if they experience chest pain, especially if the symptoms persist despite medication.
Susie will never be the way she was, and the loneliness is sometimes unbearable. Still, I am grateful she did not die. Rick in Tennessee
Dear Rick: Our hearts go out to you. Your situation is difficult, but please know you have saved at least one life today. Bless you.
Dear Annie: I agree with the mother who wants to spend some time with her children without their spouses present. I have been married for 14 years. Every Friday night, my husband stops by his parents' house and spends a few hours there. Sometimes his two married brothers go, too. I think it is a wonderful arrangement. I order pizza for myself and take the night off. Everyone needs some time to go home and be a kid again -- no matter how old you are. First-Time Responder
Dear First-Timer: Thanks for the backup. You sound like a supremely self-assured woman who isn't threatened by her in-laws. Good for you.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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