Friendship isn't in the cards after 'insult'

Dear Annie: I ran into an old friend not long ago, and we renewed our relationship. "Frank" and I have been meeting socially for a weekly poker game. He has been remarried for many years, but I never have met his wife.
Recently I telephoned Frank to discuss a private matter with him. His wife answered. I said hello to her and asked to speak to Frank. He got on the line and a minute of uncomfortable silence ensued because it was apparent his wife was still on the extension, listening. Finally I said, "I called to talk to Frank. Would you mind hanging up, please?"
She slammed the phone down, and Frank informed me that she was mightily insulted. I was shocked. In my home, no one would consider listening in on someone else's phone call. We'd consider that an invasion of privacy.
Frank said in their home there are no secrets, and if I want to discuss something privately, I should call him at his office. It is their home and their life, so I asked Frank to put his wife back on the line so I could apologize for the misunderstanding. She refused to talk to me. I called back the next day, fruitlessly, and yet again two days after that. In each case, I could hear her huffing in the background.
Her stubbornness and unforgiving attitude is reprehensible (and incomprehensible) to me. My attempts to correct the situation were affecting the friendship, so I have stopped. I am interested in your opinion. Buddy in Fresno, Calif.
Dear Buddy: No one should be listening in on a personal conversation, but if this is the rule in Frank's house, so be it. His wife sounds insecure and spiteful. You have made sufficient attempts to apologize and do not need to do so again.
Dear Annie: My 70-year-old husband, "Joe," has been unable to have sex for about 15 years due to the medications he's been on. He recently was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had seed implants, which appear to be working. Shortly after the implants were done, his doctor gave him a prescription for a "male enhancement" drug.
Joe didn't ask me about this. He said he told the doctor he would like to have sex once more before he dies. Mind you, he said nothing about love. When he approached me, it was with that same attitude -- no tenderness or romance. I refused.
I would not mind making love, but his reasons turn me right off. Our previous sex life was never the height of passion. It was always the same time of night, no spontaneity, generally during Johnny Carson's monologue, and it lasted about as long. Any suggestions? No Name in North Carolina
Dear N.C.: For some men, sex is how they express love, and they don't see any reason to watch Letterman if Leno makes them happy. After all this time, it's unlikely you can change your husband's approach, although it can't hurt to lovingly teach him what you want. In the meantime, we see nothing to be gained by closing the door.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Worried Mom," who doesn't want to pay a dowry for her son's Kenyan bride. I am a proud African woman whose fianc & eacute; will pay a dowry to marry me as a sign of respect for my parents and our culture.
A dowry is a token of appreciation given to the bride's parents for raising your son's wife. As a daughter-in-law, her husband's parents will become her responsibility. My in-laws will never see the door of a nursing home because I will do everything possible to take care of them. African Woman
Dear African Woman: We'd bet plenty of parents in the United States would pay a dowry if it meant their daughters-in-law would care for them when they become old or infirm. Thank you for giving the true meaning behind the custom.
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