KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She shouldn't let peer pressure ruin her life

Dear Annie: Hi. I'm 15 years old and recently got my first boyfriend, "James." We have had a couple of dates, but last night when he kissed me (not a first), he started doing something else with his hands. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "I'm doing what everyone else is."
We were alone in his house, and I knew what he meant. See, lately, kids at my school have been a lot more sexually active, and my best friend even got pregnant.
I've always been a good kid and have no desire to be sexually active. But I saw what happened to another girl at my school when she refused to have sex. So, because I have no desire to be made fun of, I let him do a little, but not all the way. We have another date next Friday, and I don't know what to do. Unactive
Dear Unactive: Please don't let some boy on hormonal overdrive convince you to do something you don't want to do. It can be really hard to withstand this kind of peer pressure, so stay strong. If you are teased, hold your head up high and take it as a compliment. There are probably dozens of girls in your class who would find their own courage seeing you take a stand against this sexual bullying.
In the meantime, try not to spend too much time at James' house (or yours) when the parents aren't home. Parents can come in mighty handy when you need an excuse to say no. If James really cares about you, he'll stop pushing.
Dear Annie: I recently left a position for another in the same company, much to the dismay of my ex-boss. I am very happy in my new job. However, there is a woman in my old department who continues to badmouth me, even though I'm no longer there. (She's the office gossip.)
I am on good terms with my ex-boss. He knows one of the reasons I left his department was because of this woman. What can I do to stop her from talking about me? Tired of It
Dear Tired: How much contact do you or your current co-workers have with this woman? If it's minimal, ignore her. If her venom is leaking into your new workplace, you need to file an official complaint with Human Resources, letting them know she is creating a hostile work environment and you'd like them to tell her to knock it off.
Dear Annie: Allow me to speak on behalf of "Just Can't Win," who has trouble with women. Annie, thanks for nothing. Imagine being a male in your late 30s, unable to get sex, so you write to a national advice column. The response? "Try going out with fat chicks."
It is obvious the fellow has no confidence. You can't imagine what a problem shyness can be for men. Men will pursue shy women because biology dictates that men have other things on their minds. However, women, from what I understand, are looking for a connection. This connection is impossible to accomplish for a male if he is unable to communicate. If a woman mistakes a shy man for being aloof and arrogant, any possible relationship is nipped in the bud.
"Just Can't Win" needs to engage in a confidence-building activity, like working out. Then he should go to places where women will be and bring along a small group of friends who will help bridge awkward gaps in conversation.
I'll end by suggesting that all the women out there consider a relationship with a shy man. While you will likely have to do the heavy lifting early on, you will be rewarded later with his absolute loyalty. Empathizing in Lake Wobegon
Dear Wobegon: OK, your opening paragraph made us laugh. You know that isn't quite what we said. Nonetheless, you make a good point about shy men, and bringing along a wingman or two could help break the ice. It's worth trying.
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