INTERFAITH MARRIAGES Plan ahead to avoid religious roadblocks

The engaged couple should have heart-to-heart discussions before the wedding.
SCRIPPS HOWARD
The hard part was finding each other; the planning should be easy, right?
The truth is that sometimes for interfaith couples there can be a few more hiccups along the road to the altar than for couples who share the same religion. But with a little planning and lots of sensitivity, you can navigate your way to the altar without having to call international summit.
Here are some ways to prevent religious roadblocks:
Get on the Same Page
By this time, couples likely have had the big "religion" discussion. (And if not, there's no time like the present!) There are major topics to cover: how to handle religion in a marriage, with families and with future kids. The children part is often a real obstacle. That's why it's important to discuss the religious practices observed, and any new traditions to be implemented. If he's got to have Santa and you've got to have Passover, now's the time to hash it out. By the time you get to your wedding planning you want to have these decisions securely under your belt.
The right rite
One easy-as-pie way to skirt some of the complex, anxiety-inducing decisions (and conversations with parents) that can surround an interfaith wedding is to leave religion out of your ceremony all together. If a couple is comfortable having a beautiful, meaningful, spiritual ceremony led by a judge, a justice of the peace or an ordained family friend, that may well be the best route.
If religion is something that has to stay in the picture, deciding on the basics is key. Find the three most important religious elements to include, and more importantly, those things that are off-limits. Bring notes and distill lists. Compare and contrast. If something is on either of your "absolutely not" lists, then it shouldn't be part of the ceremony even if it's on the other's "important" list. And it bears repeating: Make sure you have these discussions before anyone else gets involved. It's you two getting married after all.
Spread the word
Now that you've settled on the most important parts of your religious ceremony, it's time to share the news with your families, which can often be harder than the decisions you've already made. In the best-case scenario, they, like you, are thrilled that you've found the love of your life and couldn't care less that you celebrate different holidays. But if they're having a hard time dealing with religious differences, it's important to discuss plans for the ceremony and give them time to adjust. Be open to their suggestions of how to tweak it. But all decisions should be made by the couple. In private.
Choosing an officiant (or two) who makes the couple feel comfortable and who believes in the union is essential. Word of mouth and the Internet are two great places to start. Sites like TheKnot.com feature officiants in nearly every area of the country. Ask around -- chances are other interfaith couples in your area already have searched for (and found) local officiants happy to perform interfaith marriages. Make sure you start working on this pretty early on in the planning.
Establish traditions
Every religion has beautiful traditions associated with it. The best part of an interfaith ceremony is seeing how these amazing traditions and readings interplay in a truly one-of-a-kind ceremony. Consider all possibilities and choose traditions that are most meaningful to you both. Whatever you choose, create a wedding program that includes explanations and transliterations of specific religious customs, so family and friends can understand and participate in unfamiliar traditions.
Religion can be a sticky subject. Like politics, it touches on a lot of very deeply held beliefs. Make sure you and your fianc & eacute; form a united front (great training for when you have kids) and that you're patient with others who may express reservations about your ceremony plan. And hey, if your wedding guests end up learning a little something about another religion along the way, your wedding has made the world a more understanding place. How many same-faith couples can say that?