KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Her parents have been holding her back

Dear Annie: I am a 40-year-old woman, and my employer has offered me a job transfer to another state. I have spent my whole life with my parents. I think I'm ready to take a step toward independence, albeit late in my life, but I'm not sure.
My parents are not happy about this transfer and don't want me to go. They remind me that I haven't been very successful with previous relationships, past jobs or my finances. They believe I am incapable of taking care of myself. In the past, any time I tried to leave, my parents scared me with horrific stories about crime in the big city. I also was intimidated by their certainty that I would fail without their support to back me up.
I don't want to depend on my parents forever. I have already started credit counseling to learn better financial management. What should I do about the transfer? Too Codependent to Leave Home
Dear Too: You are quite capable of making your own decisions. Your parents are the codependent ones. They are afraid to be without you and are holding you back. Remember: It's OK to reach and fail. At least you will have tried, and that's the only way to achieve anything. Take that job transfer -- you'll do great.
Dear Annie: My brother and his wife are divorcing. He recently found out that his soon-to-be ex-wife already has a new man living in the house.
Why don't parents use common sense and realize such behavior is disturbing to the children? My brother has been out of the house only two months, and another man is sleeping in Daddy's bed. This is not right. I know divorced parents are expected to date again, but they should wait a respectable amount of time and introduce the new person slowly. Let the children adjust to the new arrangements.
Please, people, what you do on your own time is your business. Don't make it your children's business. The child does not need to wake up in the morning and see "Mommy's new friend" half-dressed in her bed. Disgusted in Maryland
Dear Disgusted: Mommy is not yet divorced and has no business having her male friends sleep over when the children are home. Too often, divorcing parents don't consider the child's welfare because they are too busy punishing each other. If you see yourself in this letter, shape up.
Dear Annie: Some years ago, a friend knitted me a lovely but very heavy wool sweater. I thanked her and put it in a drawer. One blustery January day I had to do some outside work. It was windy, and the temperature was near zero. My wife suggested wearing that knitted sweater.
It turned out to be the perfect item for keeping me warm. I said to my wife, "I must call Joan tomorrow and tell her how much I appreciated the sweater on a really cold day." The next morning, I picked up the newspaper, and there, in the obituary column, was Joan's name. She had died the day before. I knew she had been ill, but I had not known it was so serious.
Every time I drove past Joan's house, I felt tremendous remorse because I had never told her how much I liked the sweater and now I couldn't. The irony of this is, I meant to write this story to Ann Landers but kept putting it off. Then it was too late to do that as well. I hope you will print it. An Old Codger in Western New York
Dear Friend: Thank you for reminding our readers not to wait to tell others how much they mean to us, and how grateful we are to have them in our lives. You never know when it will be too late.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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