Marriage classes are more open

CHICAGO TRIBUNE
CHICAGO -- Jamie Lendway and his fianc & eacute;e, Agnes Glod, had been living together for more than a year when they registered for Pre-Cana, the marriage preparation course required by the Catholic Church.
Knowing that the church considers it living in sin, they wrote down separate addresses on the registration form.
They were shocked to learn they did not have to pretend, because Pre-Cana had booklets and course pages devoted entirely to Catholic couples who live together before marriage. And a special course is available for engaged couples who already have children together.
"I was surprised that they brought up sexual intimacy and that it's an important part of being a married couple," said Lendway, 26, who was married in July. "I went to a pretty strict Catholic high school, and we never talked about anything like that."
As the church works to rebuild trust after a crisis over sexual abuse committed by priests, many Catholics, psychologists and church leaders are hoping that a possible positive outcome of the tragedy is more openness about the church's teachings about sexuality.
Acknowledging role
Instead of focusing on what Catholics shouldn't do when it comes to sex, the church needs to address how sexuality plays a crucial role throughout life, they say.
"One of the problems with the church is that as soon as you talk about sex, you hear the other 's' word -- sin," said the Rev. Jim Thompson, prior of the St. John Stone Friary in Chicago and a hospital chaplain. "It's essential that we begin talking about sexuality responsibly, especially with young people."
The crisis will "force people, ready or not, to talk about sexuality," said the Rev. Jerome Knies, vicar provincial for the Midwest Augustinians, a religious order. "There isn't much room for innocence like there had been."
The Pre-Cana course offered by the Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago doesn't condone premarital sex but acknowledges that roughly half the couples who attend live together, a strategy that was adopted about two years ago, according to course coordinators.
Direct discussion
Now, the archdiocese is strongly encouraging another premarital program that includes open questions about sex. In FOCCUS (short for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study), couples take an inventory of key marital topics, such as finance, religious values, sexuality and intimacy.
Among the statements couples are asked to evaluate is: "I think I will feel uncomfortable being nude in front of my marriage partner."
The church can only benefit from a more open attitude about sex, some researchers say.
"Sexuality is an integral part of being human," said Howard Ruppel, chancellor of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. "It makes sense for bishops and priests to explore what they need to know about sex."
Ruppel hopes more clergy will consider the program.
"My experience was that we were taught to ignore sex," said Ruppel, who spent a year in the seminary after graduating from St. Procopius College in Lisle, Ill.
At Catholic Theological Union in Chicago, which trains men for priesthood in religious orders, administrators are scouring their courses and policies to make sure they adequately prepare priests for a post-crisis ministry.
High-school level
For the past five years or so, Providence Catholic High School in New Lenox, Ill., has incorporated more sexual issues in its Christian lifestyles course for seniors. Homosexuality, cohabitation, domestic violence and date rape are just a few of the topics addressed, according to M.K. Olivetti, theology department chairwoman and teacher.
"It's important to address [homosexuality] so we are informed and educated," she said. "It's more prevalent now, and more acceptable in society."
The scandal did prompt some additional questions from students, according to Olivetti.
"Now I'm asked, why can't priests marry?" she said, explaining that she answers the questions by referring to the catechism of the church.
Nancy Malek of Chicago, who has been facilitating Pre-Cana courses with her husband, Don, for about five years, said she tries to take a natural approach to sexuality during the sessions.
The Maleks encourage students to fill out questionnaires and discuss sexual topics in private. The couples are asked open-ended questions, such as "My greatest worry or hesitation about my sexual expression in marriage is ..."
The church had to address cohabitation in Pre-Cana courses or "we'd come off as being naive," said Andrew Lyke, director of Family Ministries for the Archdiocese of Chicago. "Quite a good number, if not living together, have begun their sexual life together. We woke up to it."